By Just This Much
by LadyExcalibur2010
Summary: They became best friends in kindergarten. The story of a boy and a girl, who always seemed to miss "it" by just this much...
1. Ch 1: The Worries and Trials of Isabella

I don't own these characters. They are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. I only borrow them. No humans are permanently harmed through my actions, though I do confess to harassing, annoying, torturing, and exasperating them – just because it's fun. I make no money from my little stories, sad day. I only play in the sandbox, I didn't build it.

_Author's Note: This is a very short story and is really just an expansion of a one-shot I wrote a while back. I just wanted to flesh it out a bit and see what happened. Sometimes when I get writer's block, it helps to work on something completely different. :p I like to use guerilla warfare tactics on my muse._

**By Just This Much**

"_**Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable." ~Bruce Lee**_

**Chapter One: The Worries and Trials of Isabella Swan**

Isabella Swan was a little girl with a lot on her mind on her first day of kindergarten. She worried about losing her lunch box. She worried about not making it to the bathroom in time if she had to pee, even though she hadn't wet her pants in more than a year – even during naptime. She worried that her mommy would forget to pick her up on time and she would end up spending the night on the steps of the school and everyone would laugh at her when they got to school the next morning. And it would rain all night so she would catch a cold and have to go to the doctor, which she hated because there were usually shots involved. She worried about writing her whole name on the paper. Even though she and her mother had practiced it over and over again this summer, her name was very long and it was easy to forget some letters when there were so many of them. And if she forgot some letters the teacher would think she was stupid and Isabella's mother and father would be so upset with their stupid little girl that they might not let her have that Strawberry Shortcake birthday party they had promised.

She felt a sharp tug on her hair and turned around to stare at the offender. A little boy with messy hair and a big grin beamed back at her. Isabella frowned at him, but he didn't seem impressed, even when she put her eyebrows together like her daddy did when she had done something naughty. The boy's smile just got bigger.

Carefully rearranging her hair over her shoulder, she gave the boy one last frown and turned around to face the front of the classroom just like Mrs. Roberts said they were supposed to. The boy giggled behind her. Isabella decided to ignore him.

Boys... ugh.

**~~~~This Much~~~~~**

Isabella decided that she liked recess. The teacher let them play on the swings and the slide and the monkey bars. Isabella even made a new friend, whose name was Angela. The boy who had pulled her hair tried to look up her dress while she was on the monkey bars. She stuck out at her tongue at him but he only laughed.

Boys...ugh.

** ~~~~~~This Much~~~~~~**

Their teacher let them eat lunch outside because it was a rare and sunny day in Forks. She was chatting with Angela and they were discussing which Barbie they liked best and if chocolate cake with white icing or chocolate cake with chocolate icing was better. Isabella thought you could never have too much chocolate. Then she felt a sharp tug on her hair. Again.

"You're a doo-doo head," a voice sang out behind her. And everybody laughed. At her. Isabella hung her head and was about to cry.

But then Isabella got mad instead of sad. So she hopped off the bench, gave the boy a good kick in the shins and called him stinky. He stuck his tongue out at her and stalked away, sulking in his seat just a few places down, casting glances at her from beneath his long lashes. After a few minutes, he got up and came to her, one grimy hand outstretched.

"You can have my cookie if you want it," he mumbled.

Isabella looked at the cookie. It was little crumbly, but it was chocolate chip, which just happened to be her favorite. She thought about it for a moment and then took the cookie from his hand. The hair puller flashed her another wide grin.

After she had popped the last morsel into her mouth, she gave him a disdainful look. "You're still just a stinky boy," she informed him in a superior tone.

"I don't stink," he insisted, obviously outraged at her opinion.

"All boys stink," Isabella retorted. "My Daddy says so." And she stuck out her tongue for good measure.

The hair puller retaliated by doing the same, putting his hands by his ears and giving them a wiggle for good measure. Then he grinned...and she laughed.

"My name is Edward," he told her.

"My name is Bella," she replied. Her mommy called her Isabella when she was in trouble, and the teacher called her Isabella all the time. She wanted Edward to call her what her Daddy called her – just Bella. She leaned in a little closer. "You don't stink as bad as the other boys," she reassured him.

"Thanks," he said, pleased. "And you're okay...for a girl."

** ~~~~~This Much~~~~~~**

Later that afternoon when her mother picked her up (she hadn't forgotten after all!) Bella told her mother about her day. "Oh...and I met my best friend," she said casually.

Her mother laughed and turned to give Bella a smile. "Really? How lovely. What's her name?"

Bella was looking out the window, trying to remember how many days it was until her birthday party. She was pretty sure it was eleven, but she would have to count the marks on the calendar in her room to make sure. "Edward," she answered her mother distractedly. "His name is Edward."

** ~~~~This Much~~~~**

A week and a half later, Renee Swan was trying to herd twenty five-year olds into the backyard without any escaping. It wasn't even as easy as it sounded, and it sounded pretty damned difficult she thought. Then the doorbell rang and she wanted to say a word that would make the cuss jar a quarter richer, but instead, she plastered a smile on her face and answered the door.

A little boy was standing there, his hair brutally tamed with what Renee suspected was massive amounts of hair gel, and he was clutching a somewhat mangled present in his hands. "You must be Edward," she said when she caught a glimpse of beautiful green eyes. The woman standing behind Edward held out her hand.

"I'm Esme Cullen and I'm sooo sorry we're late," she apologized quickly. "I got lost. I seem to do that a lot, even in a town as small as Forks. You should have seen me when we lived in Atlanta!" Esme laughed and Renee knew immediately that she and Edward's mother would get along just fine. Which was a very good thing since their children were best friends, she decided.

"Don't worry about it," Renee said. "Charlie's in the back with the kids, trying to make sure everyone is present and accounted for." On impulse, she did something she hadn't done with the other parents. "Why don't you stay?" she offered. "I know you're new in town and it would be nice to chat with you." Renee opened the door wide and Edward ran through, yelling for Bella as he went.

"I think someone has a crush," Esme noted with fondness.

"Don't tell Charlie," Renee teased. "He'll lock up Bella until she's forty." She rolled her eyes. "He keeps telling her that boys are stinky and have cooties."

Esme laughed. "Well that certainly explains some things."

** ~~~~~This Much~~~~~~**

Bella Swan and Edward Cullen were the best of friends throughout the school year. Edward talked his mother into packing extra chocolate chip cookies into his lunch and Edward was a frequent guest at the Swan household. Esme and Renee became fast friends and finally decided that they might as well just share the pair of children that seemed inseparable.

When Edward caught a cold, it was Bella who fussed over him the most. When his brother Emmett teased him about it, Edward made sure to sneeze in Emmett's direction. Emmett was soon sneezing and coughing right along with Edward, but go no sympathy from Bella at all.

When Bella's favorite Barbie went missing, it was Edward who launched the search and rescue mission. She was finally located beneath a shrub, where Bella had apparently forgotten her. Bella hugged the doll first and then her hero Edward, who protested but didn't move away.

When Bella won the "Best Reader" for kindergarten, it was Edward who bragged the longest and loudest. When Edward fell off his bike and scraped his knee, it was Bella who held his hand while his mother cleaned out the injury. Bella even pretended she didn't see the tears well up in his eyes.

And it was that summer, between kindergarten and first grade, that they first said, "I love you." Edward said it first, and then promptly qualified it with "but not like a girl. You're just my Bella. My bestest friend. Right?"

Bella, who thought that most boys were stinky and mean, was quite happy to be his friend. They played in the Cullen's backyard that day, twirling around until they were dizzy and fell to the ground. They were sprawled on the grass, looking up at the bright summer sky, enjoying the sun and the endless summer that stretched out before them.

Bella turned and looked at him. "Let's always be best friends, okay?"

He shrugged. "Okay."

Bella gave a satisfied laugh and looked back up at the clouds. "Always," she whispered.


	2. Chapter 2: The Misadventures of Mikey

I don't own these characters. They are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. I only borrow them. No humans are permanently harmed through my actions, though I do confess to harassing, annoying, torturing, and exasperating them – just because it's fun. I make no money from my little stories, sad day. I only play in the sandbox, I didn't build it.

**Chapter 2: The Misadventures of Mikey **

Bella and Edward were still best friends in first grade. Once again, they had the same teacher. Once again, they sat at lunch with their heads pressed together, exchanging confidences. Edward got in trouble for passing notes to Bella during math so their teacher Mrs. Kirkland moved him across the room and two rows forward. Bella and Edward would stare at each other mournfully across the gap and then bow their little heads to whatever task had been assigned.

Mrs. Kirkland could only stare at the two miserable little faces for a week before she caved and moved him back to his place beside Bella. He had nodded solemnly when she told him that if he got caught passing notes again, she would move him. She never saw another note that school year, though she would often find stacks of them in their desks. Still, the children were not troublemakers and the teacher was fond of them both. Sometimes, she would watch them and ponder their future. Once, when she saw Edward step in front of her protectively when a kick ball came flying through the air, she smiled and whispered, "Wouldn't it be funny if...?" Then she laughed at herself and put the thought from her mind.

During the summer after first grade, Edward and his family took a trip back to Atlanta to visit family. Bella moped around so forlornly that Renee stooped to desperate measures and went back on a decision she had handed down years ago. It was difficult to tell who was more delighted with her capitulation – Bella or Charlie.

They named desperate measures Roscoe. Roscoe was a basset hound with eyes almost as sad as Bella's, and those eyes were almost as big and brown. Roscoe did brighten Bella's world, however, which was the reason for his arrival after all. It wasn't as good as having Edward with her, but Roscoe did distract her from her misery and she drew a picture of him to give to Edward as a coming home present. Her mom helped her mark off the days on the calendar and finally the day arrived.

Edward was home.

Bella tackled him when she jumped out of the car. She had insisted that her mother drive her over to the Cullen house. Emmett laughed at her exuberance, which earned him a dirty scowl from his little brother. Emmett didn't care.

"You've been gone forever!" Bella complained later that night. They were having a sleep over and she and Edward were happily snuggled up in the tree house, watching the stars and listening to the calls of the crickets.

"It was soooo boring," Edward said. "And my grandma kept _kissing_ me," he added in disgust.

They both shuddered at the horror.

"Wait til you meet Roscoe," Bella said. Her mother had been quite adamant that she couldn't bring Roscoe over to Edward's house. Bella had argued and even cried, but her mother had held firm. When Daddy had given her "the look" she had settled down fast, knowing she just might lose her sleep over at Edward's in punishment.

"I can't believe your mom let you get a dog," Edward said. "How did you talk her into it?" He wanted to know the secret. He wanted a dog too.

"I dunno," Bella said with a shrug. "One day, she just went out and came home with Roscoe." Bella hugged herself tightly. "He's so cute. The cutest thing I've ever seen."

Edward frowned at that, though he wasn't quite sure what made him unhappy. "I'll bet he smells," he felt compelled to say.

Bella reached out and pulled his hair. Hard. "That's a mean thing to say, Edward Cullen. Take it back!"

"I won't," he insisted mulishly.

She pressed her lips together and rolled on her side, facing away from him. Edward felt quite pleased with himself until he heard a suspicious sniffle coming from her. "Aw, come on, you're not crying are you?" He _hated_ it when she cried.

"No," she snapped, though he could tell that she was.

"Aw jeez, you big baby," he grumbled. "I'm sorry, there. Are you happy now?"

Bella turned immediately and beamed at him. "Yes," she said. "Now go to sleep."

"You can't tell me what to do," Edward retorted, but he closed his eyes.

The children slept in the tree house, the crickets and creatures of the night their lullaby.

**~~~This Much~~~**

When they started second grade, there was a new boy in their class. His name was Mikey Newton and he cried the first day of school. Bella tried to comfort him but he kept on crying. Edward called him a cry baby, which earned him a black look from Bella. Edward ignored her and started to sulk as he sat at his desk. That was his HIS Bella, and Mikey Newton had better remember it.

A few weeks later, they were at the Swan's house. Renee and Esme were sharing a cup of coffee as they watched their children rush around the lawn like puppies set free after a long confinement. "Did Bella tell you about what happened with that Newton kid?" Esme asked.

Renee stopped in mid-sip. "No, what happened?"

Esme gave a little chuckle. "Well it seems that Mikey called Bella ugly."

"Uh oh, he'd better hope Charlie doesn't hear that," Renee teased. "He holds a grudge, and when that Newton boy starts driving..." Her voice trailed off and the women laughed.

"Exactly," Esme agreed. "Anyway, of course, Bella ran to tell Edward what the kid said." 

"Of course," Renee murmured. "He's her hero."

"Precisely," Esme replied. "Well Edward, being Edward, wasn't going to take that lying down, so he tracked down Mikey at the slides, pushed him off and ordered him to take it back."

"He didn't!" Renee's eyes were alight with laughter. They had often noted Edward's protective streak. They thought it was adorable.

Esme nodded. "He most certainly did, and we had to have a talk about pushing and being nice and using words not hands," she added. Then she sighed. "Of course, it all went in one ear and out the other. He got that glazed look that Carlisle gets when I try to talk about my mother or the new curtains I want to order." The women shared a look and began to laugh. "Anyway..." She took a sip of her coffee. "So then Mikey told Edward he wasn't going to take it back-"

"Ah yes, the testosterone was flooding the playground," Renee observed with a wink.

"So my son decided to _convince_ Mikey that he should take it back and kicked him in the shins!" Esme said.

"Oh shit," Renee said with a snort of laughter. "I think Edward has been taking notes from Bella's playbook. What did Bella do then?"

"Well, you know Bella," Esme said.

"Let me guess, she felt sorry for Mikey and got mad at Edward?" Renee ventured.

Esme laughed and nodded. "So insults were exchanged between the three of them, but when Mikey called Edward a name, Bella's defense of him came to an abrupt halt and she kicked _Mikey_ in the shins."

Renee snorted again and started laughing so hard that tears ran down her cheeks. "That's my girl," she said proudly.

"And of course Edward came home and explained the whole sordid incident to me, and out of _all _of that, you know what confused him the most?" Esme asked.

Renee smiled. "Bella?"

Esme smiled softly and nodded her head toward where the children played. The women listened to their laughter and the music of their voices. It would rain later, the clouds were already gathering, but for now, it was perfect. She looked over at Renee. "We've got some pretty amazing kids, you know?"

"I know," Renee said.

**~~~This Much~~~**

Second grade passed and then it was summer again. That year, Bella's grandmother died so the family traveled to Phoenix for the funeral and to take care of her affairs. Edward moped around the house, looking as sad and pitiful as a little boy could. They were dog-sitting Roscoe and Edward decided that was almost as good as having a dog himself.

He would take Roscoe on walks, and talk to him about Bella. They played fetch, though Roscoe preferred the chew the ball rather than retrieving it. Roscoe would stare back at him with wise brown eyes and Edward would feel a little better. It wasn't Bella, but he didn't miss her quite as much when he confided in Roscoe. Esme watched as her son and a few weeks later, after Bella had reclaimed her pooch, she told Carlisle that she thought it was time that Edward got a dog too.

Bella went with him to the pound a week later and together they made the big decision. In the end, Edward was the proud new owner of a somewhat tattered mixed breed dog of undetermined origins – she was the epitome of a mutt. Esme had been surprised when Edward and Bella bypassed all of the adorable puppies and sleeker dogs and stopped in front of that particular cage.

The dog looked out at them with weary, wary eyes and her tail wagged weakly, as if she was afraid to hope. When Bella stuck her little hand inside the cage, the dog gave it a tentative lick and then cringed, almost as if she feared the little hand would strike her. The children exchanged a wordless glance and then Edward looked up at his mother with solemn eyes and said, "This one."

Bella wanted to name her Beulah, which Edward said sounded like the noise a fart made. Bella sulked for a while, making Edward as miserable as a boy could be. Two hours later, Beulah was duly named and Edward and Bella were friends once again.

And life went on.

_**Author's Note: I'm looking for recommendations! I need something to new to read. Pretty please? If you choose to leave a review, could you please tell me what you're reading and why it owns you? I'm especially fond of stories that don't seem to be getting the attention they deserve. So share those hidden gems with me.**_


	3. Chapter 3: Boys and Gravity are Stupid

I don't own these characters. They are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. I only borrow them. No humans are permanently harmed through my actions, though I do confess to harassing, annoying, torturing, and exasperating them – just because it's fun. I make no money from my little stories, sad day. I only play in the sandbox, I didn't build it.

**Author's Note: Thank you for all of the wonderful recommendations! **

**Chapter 3: Boys and Gravity are Stupid**

Bella and Edward were ten when a terrible thing began to happen. Bella started to get boobs. At first, Edward didn't notice. After all, it was just Bella and he didn't notice much about her unless she had a booger in her nose that he could tease her about. Then one day while they were arm wrestling and Bella was beating him, he noticed a strange strap hanging out of her tee-shirt.

"Hey," he said, pointing. "What's that?"

To his shock, Bella quickly released his hand and her face turned bright red. "Nothing," she said, tucking the strap back into her shirt. He was even too shocked to celebrate his victory, forfeit or not. "Just shut up."

"Geez," Edward muttered. "What crawled up your butt and died?"

Resorting to kindergarten tactics, Bella stuck out her tongue. "You're just sore because I was beating you."

Edward shrugged, though of course he_ hated_ it when Bella won. Then a very weird and unsettling thought struck him. The boys had been talking about it at school, seeing those things show up on a few girls in their grade. Talk about gross. "You're not wearing a..." He had to pause because the thought was so horrible. "...a _bra_, are you?"

Her face went neon and that was answer enough. Edward's stomach suddenly felt icky. A bra? When had that happened? And why did it have to?

Luckily for both of them, they managed to move past the idea of Bella developing boobs, though if Edward would have been asked he would have had to say that he didn't approve.

At all.

** ~~~This Much~~~**

Edward ran into the house, screaming for his father. Esme and Carlisle appeared immediately, with Esme clutching Edward close to her. "What's wrong? Where's Bella? What's wrong?"

The boy took a deep breath and looked to his father. "It's Bella," he said breathlessly, gulping for air. "She fell out of the tree. Her arm-"

"Take us to her," Carlisle said and the three of them ran to the tree. Bella was trying to sit up, tears running silently down her face. "There now," Carlisle said as he got close to her. Carefully, he scooped her up and she cradled her arm against her. Edward's father walked slowly, being careful not to jostle her. Edward fell into step beside him, sticking so close that Carlisle could smell his sweaty boy smell.

"She'll be fine," he reassured his son. Edward nodded and subtly wiped away the tears on his cheek. Carlisle pretended not to notice.

Esme called the Swans while Carlisle did an initial assessment on the arm. "It's broken," he said decisively, and that made Bella start crying again. Edward joined in, though more quietly.

"They'll meet us at the emergency room," Esme said when she came back in. Carlisle nodded and picked Bella up again. He settled her into the back seat, using a pillow to cushion her broken arm. The little girl had stopped crying, though she sniffled every now and then. Edward sat beside her and was doing his best to look as if he wasn't scared to death.

When they got to the hospital, Carlisle once more carried Bella in his arms. Esme took Edward's hand and he didn't fuss about it, which told her just how scared he was. Charlie and Renee were already there waiting for them and Charlie rushed to Carlisle's side, but did not pull his daughter from him, obviously afraid of hurting her. But then Bella held up her good arm and Charlie gingerly cradled her while Carlisle made short work of the admission paperwork.

An hour later (it paid to know the Director of Medicine) and Bella was the proud new owner of a purple cast. Edward insisted on signing it – first. He just signed his name and then drew two paw prints, one for Roscoe and one for Beulah. Bella giggled when he showed her his handiwork. By then she was yawning, quite worn out with the events of the day. Before his parents took him away from her, Edward leaned in close and hugged her. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

Bella patted his cheek. "Just remember one thing, Edward," she murmured.

"What?"

"I was still higher than you when I fell," she told him. "I win."

** ~~~This Much~~~**

"You signed her cast?" Emmett asked, snorting with laughter. Emmett was five years older than Edward and the bane of his little brother's existence. That was just the way Emmett Cullen liked it. Edward had wished many, many times that he was an only child like Bella. Some people had all the luck. "What a _girl_!"

"Yeah," Edward grumbled. "It's no big deal." He even rolled his eyes at his brother, as if to indicate he had only been humoring Bella.

"Sure it's not," Emmett drawled. Then he shook his head. "My little brother, twisted up in knots by a girl already." He nudged Edward. "Did you put hearts around your name? Did you draw her some flowers? Or maybe a kitten?"

"I am not!" Edward insisted, clenching his fists. "And I didn't do anything stupid like that!"

"Are you gonna ask her to be your _girlfriend_?" Emmett taunted. "Maybe take her out for ice cream or steal a kiss behind the cafeteria?" He made loud, obnoxious kissing noises, puckering his lips and fluttering his lashes, effectively making himself look like a chimpanzee in Edward's opinion.

"Shut up, Emmett," Edward warned.

"Did you sign it 'Love, Edward'?" Emmett mocked. "Because you should have. You love Isabella Swan."

"I do _not_!" Edward screamed and then before he realized what he was doing, he had punched Emmett in the stomach. He had gotten in a lucky hit, too, because Emmett doubled over, gasping for breath. Edward stared at his fist for a moment, amazed at what it had accomplished. Holy crap!

Of course, his amazing _good_ luck was immediately followed up by incredibly bad luck. His mother walked into the kitchen and took one look at the scene and came to a swift and accurate conclusion. "Edward Anthony Cullen! What did you do?"

Edward _wanted_ to say that he had decked Emmett for being a turd. Edward _wanted_ to say that Emmett had it coming. Edward _wanted_ to say that next time Emmett would get it twice as bad. But one look at his mother's face told him that none of those things would turn the situation to his advantage. Then Emmett looked up at him, somewhat recovered, and smirked.

And suddenly Edward didn't care anymore.

"I punched him," he admitted boldly, pointing at his brother. "Because he's a big, giant turd." And he nodded just once for emphasis.

"Edward Anthony Cullen!" His mother was definitely on a roll, he decided. She had used his full name twice in less than thirty seconds.

This was not going to be good.

"Go to bed!" she ordered.

"But I wanted to watch-"

"Go to your room!" she repeated. "And no television," she added with a scowl.

Emmett chuckled as Edward pushed past him, his own expression sulky. Just as he slipped past Emmett, Edward leaned in and muttered, "It was totally worth it, you turd face."

So that night, Edward missed his favorite show and discovered it was didn't matter in the least.

** ~~~This Much~~~**

"Does it hurt much?" Edward asked two days later when Bella arrived at school.

"Nah, not too much," she insisted bravely, but Edward knew better.

They were silent for a moment. "I'm really sorry you know," he finally said in a very quiet voice.

Bella considered that for a moment and then winked. "You're just sorry you lost."

** ~~~This Much~~~**

It was that year that David Maykoff showed up in their class. His family had moved to Forks when his mother got a job as a police officer working for Charlie Swan. That meant that Charlie and Renee had them over for a little cookout and a meet-n-greet with some of their friends.

It was also the occasion on which Edward Cullen decided that David Maykoff needed to move back to where he had come from – and stay there. David's list of sins was long and growing.

Item one: David Maykoff tried to sign his name over Edward's on Bella's cast.

Item two: David Maykoff told Edward that his dog was ugly.

Item three: David Maykoff expressed admiration for Emmett Cullen's athletic skills.

Item four: David Maykoff tried to look up Bella's skirt at lunch one day by crawling under the lunch table. Edward had given him a swift knee to the nose to convince him otherwise and then pretended shock and dismay that he had hurt David Maykoff. As if.

Item five: Edward had distinctly seen David Maykoff checkout out Bella's boobs. Gross.

Item six: David Maykoff was generally a pain in the butt.

** ~~~This Much~~~**

"So are you going to have a party to celebrate starting middle school next month?" Bella asked. They were in his backyard, watching Roscoe and Beulah romp around the lawn.

"Sure, I mean, I guess so," Edward said with a shrug. "I'll have to ask my parents though."

"I think it would be fun," Bella said.

"Yeah, probably."

There was a long silence during which Bella pulled at blades of grass. Then she looked at him from beneath her lashes. "So...who you gonna invite?"

"I dunno," Edward replied. "People."

"Which people?" she asked impatiently.

"Not girl people, that's for sure," Edward said with a roll of his eyes. "If Jessica Stanley doesn't quit trying to sit beside me at lunch I'm gonna go crazy!"

Bella humphed and crossed her arms over her chest and Edward wondered what he had done _now_. "She's stupid," Bella observed.

"She's a pain," Edward qualified. Then he playfully punched her on the arm. Bella only scowled and rubbed at it. "But then...so are you."

"Takes one to know one," Bella retorted.

"Good one, did you think that up all by yourself?" Edward teased.

"My Dad was right – boys are useless," Bella said pointedly.

"Except for me," Edward said confidently. "I'm your best friend."

"Sometimes," Bella remarked.

"Aw come on, don't be sore," Edward said.

"So who are you inviting?" Bella pressed again.

"Geez, what are you doing, writing a book report or something?" Edward scoffed.

"I just want to know."

"People...from class I guess," he answered.

"Everyone from class?" Bella asked.

Edward heaved a sigh of exasperation. "My mom will make me invite _everyone_," he said mournfully. "Never hurt someone's feelings by leaving them out," he mimicked his mother's voice, wagging his finger as he did so.

"So...you'll be inviting David Maykoff?" Bella said quietly.

Edward stared at her suspiciously. "Why does it matter so much?"

She turned and stared at their dogs again and gave a little shrug. "No reason," she said. "No reason at all."

Edward studied her, looked at the tell tale blush on her cheeks, and wondered if his mom would believe that David Maykoff's invitation got lost in the mail.


	4. Chapter 4: Boobs and Asses

I don't own these characters. They are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. I only borrow them. No humans are permanently harmed through my actions, though I do confess to harassing, annoying, torturing, and exasperating them – just because it's fun. I make no money from my little stories, sad day. I only play in the sandbox, I didn't build it.

**Chapter 4: Boobs and Asses**

Turning twelve was a big turning point as far as Edward saw it. That birthday meant he was just one small, short, insignificant year away from being a _teenager_. It was the dream. Finally, he wouldn't be a kid anymore, he'd be a teenager, which was just a quick hop to adulthood. He knew the score. He had heard Emmett blather on about it enough times.

So when Edward turned twelve, he expected things to change. He wanted them to change. Until they did.

The changes started slowly and kind of snuck up on him. He didn't even notice at first, and then once he did, they seemed so glaringly obvious that he wanted to kick his own ass. Even the word ass was new for him. He'd heard it before, of course. Even his mom said when she was especially annoyed at someone in traffic. Or when his dad said something particularly bone-headed. But Edward himself had never dared to say the word until he hit that almost magical birthday.

Ass.

Even saying it made him feel more grown up. He tried to think of ways to throw it into casual conversation with his friends – and with Bella. Bella. Now there was another change. The boobs that had first started appearing a few years ago were now..._there_. As in no mistaking them. Edward hadn't approved of that change, at least in the beginning.

Now... Well now he had to admit that sometimes he caught himself staring at them. Like, _really _staring. After a lot of consideration, he decided that, in general, he approved of boobs. They made him feel weird, but it was a good weird. Which sort of went along with some other changes that his father had discussed with him, but the less he thought about _that_ particular conversation the better.

The school year after he turned twelve was also the first school year that he and Bella didn't have every single class together. Middle school had brought some changes, including changing classrooms with every subject change. Edward had liked that simply because it made him feel more grown up. Bella had complained about it, of course, but not Edward.

Still, it was odd to be in a classroom and not be able to at least look over a few rows and see Bella bent over her book, furiously taking notes or frowning at the teacher or the board in concentration. Bella took school work _way_ too seriously as far as Edward saw it. Every day, he met her at her locker before lunch and they walked to the cafeteria together. It was their thing and everyone knew it. It was the same thing, every day.

Except today... Today when he got there, David ASS Maykoff was leaning against the locker next to Bella's and smiling like an ass at her. Making an ass and a nuisance of himself as usual. Edward had pretended not to see him and sort of nudged him out of place and asked Bella if she was ready. Bella had given David Maykoff a swift smile and fallen into step beside Edward. Unable to help himself, Edward had looked over his shoulder at David ASS Maykoff and smirked.

Bella would have kicked him in the balls if she had seen it. Edward had been pretty sure that he had shown David Maykoff who had the claim on Bella Swan. He had been positive – until tonight. He hadn't even considered that Bella might have any feelings for David. It was David, after all, the most annoying kid in their grade. He was even worse than Mike Newton, and that was saying something.

She confessed her feelings to Edward one night when they were playing Scrabble (which Bella always won). Edward had wanted to play chess (which he always won) but Bella had beaten him in arm-wrestling and won the right to choose the game.

Edward was still sulking about it when she blurted out, "I think I'm in love with David Maykoff."

He stared at her for a moment, wondering who she was and who had kidnapped his best friend and substituted this…insane _girl_ for Bella Swan. "What? You're in _what_ with _who_?" Now Edward knew exactly she was talking about; he just didn't want to hear it. At all.

"You know... David Maykoff, the guy with blond hair and dreamy blue eyes," Bella replied nonchalantly, looking at her letter tiles and as if they hadn't both known him for two years. "I'm in love with him."

"He's an ass," Edward muttered.

"I'm telling your mom you said a bad word," Bella threatened. She didn't approve of his new vocabulary and didn't hesitate to tell him so. "And besides, he isn't."

"He isn't what?" Edward asked with a smirk. She looked kind of cute when she was all mad like that, her cheeks pink with annoyance and her eyes glaring at him.

"He isn't what you said," Bella snapped.

"I don't remember what I said," Edward mocked. "Maybe you should refresh my memory."

Bella heaved a sigh of exasperation and rolled her eyes at him. "He isn't an ass," she clarified.

"I'm telling your dad you said ass," Edward retorted with a grin.

"You're the ass, Edward Cullen," Bella said with narrowed eyes.

Edward just shrugged, though his lips were pressed together. He didn't care what Bella said, David Maykoff _was_ an ass – and Bella could do much, much better.

She left for her house a little later and Edward trudged back up to his room, feeling out of sorts and unhappy with life in general.

First boobs and then David Maykoff. He snorted and rolled his eyes.

Why did Bella have to turn out to be such a _girl_?

** ~~~This Much~~~**

It was finally Christmas vacation and Edward was looking forward to nineteen days of no homework, no classes and, most of all, no David Maykoff. Bella usually spent most of the Christmas holiday at his house, since her mom and dad both had to work much of the time. It was win/win as far as Edward could see. Maybe he'd have time to turn Bella back into his best friend instead of the girly girl who had taken over Bella's body.

Like a pod person. Or a demon. Either or.

They were at their lockers, putting away their books after school finally ended. "Hey, what time you coming over today?" he asked.

Bella bit her lip and shrugged. "Uh...probably not tonight," she said.

Edward looked at her in surprise. "Why not?"

Bella closed her locker and turned to him with a sigh. "Well uh...David asked if I could come over and watch _Star Wars_ with him and I said yes."

"What?" He looked at her in shock.

She tucked her hair behind her ear and shrugged again. "Yeah, I mean, it's not a big deal. I can come over your house tomorrow, right?"

Edward thought about it for a moment. "I guess. I mean, sure you can."

Bella looked relieved. "Good," she said quickly.

Edward stared at her retreating figure, repressing the urge to run after her and invite her to _his_ house to watch _Star Wars_.

**~~~This Much~~~**

It was spring break and the end of the school year was in sight. He and his family were going to Florida for a few days. Bella had been disappointed when he'd told her, but Edward decided he was kind of glad to be going on vacation. 

It was getting confusing being around Bella now. She no longer paid any attention to David Maykoff. Bella never said anything about what made her change her mind, but Edward didn't care much about the _why_ of it, just that she had. She hadn't seemed particularly upset about it either, so Edward felt no desperate urge to clarify. David Maykoff was no longer a concern.

But even though the creep was no longer in the picture, it was becoming increasingly clear that he wasn't the only boy who thought Bella was cute. Edward studied Bella as she talked with Angela and Alice about their plans for spring break. He guessed he could kind of see it, what the other boys saw. Yeah, she was still Bella who used to make fart noises with him in the tree house, or see who could spit the farthest. But she was, undeniably, a girl.

She had changed her hair this year. It wasn't as frizzy and curled around her face and shoulders. It actually looked kind of...pretty. Soft. He liked it best when she wore it down. He liked to sit behind her and watch it sway against her back with her movements, or watch her as she flipped it over her shoulder. It made him feel funny, but in a good way.

Bella had also started dressing different. She still wore jeans, of course, but they looked...different. He couldn't put his finger on it, but they definitely looked different. There were curves that hadn't been there last year. Even from the back, Bella looked like a girl. There was no mistaking it.

And her mouth...

She had started wearing lip gloss and Edward knew she had had to beg her mom for that concession. He knew that because she had given him a full run down on the whole conversation. Bella was all pumped because not only had she gotten permission for the lip stuff, but next school year she got to wear a little bit of mascara. Edward didn't see what was so exciting about _that_, but Bella seemed to think it was a big deal. _Girls..._

The lip gloss still threw him. It made her lips look shiny and...big. Yeah, big. They were like right there in his face it seemed. He noticed them. A lot. They looked really different with the shiny stuff on them. Bella, he realized, had a great smile.

Then Bella was skipping up to him like she had when they were five years old. "Sooo..." she said. "Are you excited about leaving for the beach tomorrow?"

He laughed. "We're going to Florida. The whole state isn't just one big beach."

She shrugged. "Might as well be. There's Disney and there's beaches. What else do you need?" Bella had gotten over her upset. Edward wasn't sure he liked that.

"Yeah well, I'll let you know," he promised. "Anyway, we'll only be there about five days. And by the time we get back, school will be ready to start again."

"Don't expect any sympathy from me," Bella said. "You're going to _Florida_, while I'm stuck in _Forks_." She made a face. "You suck. I'm jealous."

"I'll bring you back a tee-shirt," he promised.

"Oh yeah, cuz that makes up for it," she teased.

He shrugged. "Best I can do."

"I guess I'll have to settle."

Then Bella chewed at her lower lip, all glossy and shiny, for just a moment. Then, to Edward's surprise, she gave him a quick hard hug.

And those boobs were pressed against his chest for a split second.

_Whoa._

_Weird_.


	5. 5: Unauthorized Use of Erectile Tissue

I don't own these characters. They are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. I only borrow them. No humans are permanently harmed through my actions, though I do confess to harassing, annoying, torturing, and exasperating them – just because it's fun. I make no money from my little stories, sad day. I only play in the sandbox, I didn't build it.

**Chapter 5: Unauthorized Use of Erectile Tissue**

Bella sighed as she sat down beside Edward in the courtyard. It was a rare, sunny day in Forks and she was determined to enjoy the warmth and light while she could. She "accidentally" nudged Edward as she sat down, causing his soda to spill a little bit.

"Damn it, Bella," he muttered, wiping at his sleeve.

"Oh, someone's in a bad mood today," she mocked. "What's the matter? Didn't get your beauty sleep, Cullen?"

Edward had noticed lately that there was an edge to his interactions with Bella. Though they continued to hang out with each other almost constantly, he sensed that something was changing. Exactly _what_ was changing, he couldn't say. All he knew was that he didn't like it.

Perhaps it was the fact that he got totally distracted sometimes when he looked at Bella. In fact, on several occasions he had realized, to his horror, that he was actually checking her out. Just like he checked out Jessica. So there was the distraction factor. It also seemed as if Bella was looking at him with some sort of vague expectation in her eyes, like she wanted him to remember something important. He just didn't get it. If she wanted him to remember something, she should just _tell_ him what it was, damn it.

Now there was this new, snarky Bella. She snapped and snarled sometimes and it always left Edward confused. Who the hell could figure out the female mind? He had asked his dad that question a few weeks ago and _he_ had been absolutely no help. He'd only laughed so hard that tears started rolling down his cheeks and then patted Edward on the back and shook his head. What the hell kind of answer was that?

Edward shot Bella a cautious look, quickly catching on to the fact that snarky Bella was up to bat today. "I slept just fine, Bella," he said wearily, his tone belying his words.

For a moment, something crossed her fact that Edward might have thought was remorse, until she opened her mouth again. "Oh, I guess I just figured you were on the phone with Jessica Boobsalot all night long."

Edward made the crucial mistake of snorting with laughter and smirking at that. It was true; Jessica had been well endowed in the boob department. Bella, whose own endowments were still pretty spectacular in Edward's opinion, didn't quite..._stack _up, as it were. Oddly, Bella didn't seem to harbor any negative feelings toward other girls with bigger boobs. Jessica, for some reason unknown to Edward, had gotten herself on Bella's shit list and nothing he said or did could change her mind.

Which reminded him... Shit, this wasn't going to make things any better.

"So," he began, clearing his throat. "Are you going to that dance? You know, the freshman thing?" Her eyes widened and she looked at him. A soft, slow smile appeared and she shrugged.

"Dunno," she finally said. "It depends."

"Depends on if anyone asks me," she replied and looked at him from beneath her lashes.

"Oh," he muttered. He took a deep breath, wanting to get it over with and get the name-calling behind them. For just a moment, looking at Bella in what he considered his favorite tee-shirt, with her hair pulled back and the line of her throat revealed, and the soft scent of coconut shampoo tickling his nose, he considered asking _Bella_ to the dance. That, he conceded after a moment's thought, was a monumentally stupid idea. They were friends, and he wanted to stay that way. If they started mixing up the friendship with dating, then they'd end up broken up and no longer best friends. So even when such wild ideas bloomed in his head, he pushed them away. "Well, I was...anyway, I was thinking about...actually, I already..." He took another breath and looked at Bella, who seemed to be staring at him with a brand new expression on her face. He wasn't sure what it was, but he thought he might like it. "I asked Jessica to the dance and she said yes." He said the words in a rush, just like pulling off a band aid.

Bella blinked at him for a moment, her mouth opened and closed and then opened again as if she wanted to say something. Then she blinked again and Edward decided she must have gotten something in her eye because they started tearing up a little bit. Her lips thinned and she grabbed her lunch, almost tripping over the bench in her haste.

She walked away without another word, outrage in every stiff line of her body. Edward stared after her, wondering what it was about Jessica Stanley that pissed off Bella so much. He shook his head and tried to finish his lunch, only to find it tasted like cardboard. In disgust, he gave up and threw it away. 

He spent the rest of the day avoiding both Jessica and Bella.

** ~~~This Much~~~**

For the next three days, Edward Cullen didn't exist...at least to Bella Swan. She told his mom that she didn't need a ride to school in the morning because she was tagging along with her friend Angela. She was never in the cafeteria at lunch; he wasn't sure when she got her books out of her locker because her never saw her there, and his phone remained frustratingly silent. Except for the constant calls from Jessica Stanley, of course. Edward was starting to see why Bella didn't like her.

Finally, on Friday, Edward couldn't take it anymore. He had come home from school and his mother had taken one look at him and asked if he was feeling okay. Edward mumbled some nonsense response, but his mother tilted up his chin and frowned at him.

"Seriously, Edward, what's wrong?" she asked quietly.

And then it had all come tumbling out. Bella's dislike of Jessica (though he neglected to mention his theory on the reason), asking Jessica to the dance, telling Bella he had asked Jessica to the dance, and Bella's subsequent cold shoulder. To his complete and utter shock, his mother smiled at him...fucking _smiled _at him!

"What're you smiling about?" he demanded. "This isn't funny! I don't know what's up Bella a...butt and I can't make things right until I do. That's not funny."

His mom brushed back his hair like she did when he was little and shook her head. "It's nothing that would make sense right now," she replied. "So let's just drop it."

First Bella, now his mother. It was official – women were crazy.

He now understood his father's amusement when he had asked about what women were thinking; no male on earth could decipher the workings of the feminine brain and Edward was tired of trying. His mother kissed him, which only confused him further. Luckily, no one was around to witness his humiliation.

Edward rolled his eyes at his mother and stomped upstairs.

** ~~~This Much~~~**

As soon as Edward went upstairs, Esme picked up the phone and quickly dialed a very familiar number.

"I just thought you should know," Esme said as soon as Renee picked up the phone. "My son is an idiot."

Renee snorted with laughter. "Well, he's male, isn't he? What do you expect?"

Esme sighed. "I swear sometimes, I want to smack some sense into that boy's brain."

"He's fifteen, he's male, and he's very confused," Renee said. "Give him time." Renee snickered. "You're lucky he remembers to put on deodorant and pants before he goes to school. He's nothing but walking hormones right now."

"Did you hear what happened?" Esme asked.

"No, but I know that Bella's moping around like someone kicked her puppy and stole her ice cream cone," Renee observed. "So between your boy's stupidity and my girl's sulking, I'm guessing that something happened between the two of them?"

"Edward asked Jessica Stanley to the dance and then told Bella about it," Esme informed her.

"Oh shit," Renee muttered.

"Exactly," Esme agreed. Then she laughed. "God...I can't believe Edward doesn't see it."

"They're young," Renee counseled. "It may be better that he doesn't see it yet. Besides, as long as they stay friends..."

"I know," Esme said. "I just hate to see Bella miserable. And my son isn't doing so hot either."

Renee laughed. "I don't think she'll stay that way for long. My Bella's too practical, and eventually she'll find someone who interests her and is interested in return. Edward needs to work it all out in his own time. It'll be good for both of them, you'll see."

"When did you get so smart?" Esme teased.

"Hanging around with you, of course," Renee shot back.

**~~~This Much~~~**

Edward stood awkwardly by the punch bowl. Jessica was nice enough, but she did seem to talk a lot. She had been bugging him to dance all night, but the truth was, Edward was pretty sure he looked like an orangutan on crack when he danced. He would wait for a slow song, take Jessica out on the dance floor and shuffle his feet a bit and consider it done.

The music finally slowed and he took Jessica's hand, making her smile widely and then she started giggling. He wrapped his arms around her and those ginormous boobs were pressed against his chest. That felt pretty damned good. Then he had to think about Coach Clapp naked in order to keep unauthorized boners from embarrassing the shit out of him. He was only partially successful and had to slightly turn away from Jessica, who didn't seem to get it and kept trying to press harder against him.

Then all thoughts of boners and Jessica's boobs fled because Bella walked in the door. Well, he was pretty sure it was Bella, because this girl was in a dress that was short enough to reveal a fantastic set of legs that went on for miles. And the dress was cut low enough to reveal...holy shit. Bella had some serious knockers. Tee-shirts just didn't do them justice. He gulped and realized that the unauthorized semi had become a full on chubby and he was in trouble.

He quickly made his excuses to Jessica and ran to the bathroom. He caught only a glimpse of Bella's pretty face turned up to smile at her date and she looked... Well, damn...


	6. Chapter 6: Assault and Battery

I don't own these characters. They are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. I only borrow them. No humans are permanently harmed through my actions, though I do confess to harassing, annoying, torturing, and exasperating them – just because it's fun. I make no money from my little stories, sad day. I only play in the sandbox, I didn't build it.

**Chapter 6: Assault and Battery**

Bella smiled shyly when the door opened to reveal her date. The young man standing there shifted nervously on his feet and then his hand abruptly shot out, revealing a flower in a plastic container. "Here," he muttered. "I thought...you...uh..." He looked at her helplessly and that look, more than anything else, made her sure she wanted to go to the dance with him.

"Thank you, Mike," she murmured.

Her mother then proceeded to mortify her by taking about a million pictures and saying things like "I can't believe my baby girl is going to her first dance" or "Don't you two look cute together." Bella wanted to crawl under a rock. But Mike was good natured about it all, enduring every flash with the same wide smile.

Bella had never been happier to close the door behind her than when they made their way down the driveway. Mike opened the car door for her. "I just got my license," he told her. He was a few months older than the rest of them, having turned sixteen just the week before. He was the first one in their grade to drive.

He put on his seatbelt and made sure she had hers on. "Yeah, my dad told me if I ever got caught without my seatbelt he'd take away the car for a year so..." He shrugged, obviously embarrassed.

"Don't worry," Bella assured him. "Police chief's daughter, remember?" she said, pointing at herself.

He smiled then and nodded and started up the car. Mike was a careful driver, a trait her father would like. Not that Charlie Swan had been all that enthusiastic about his daughter going out on her first _official_ date. It had only been her mother's influence that had made the night possible at all. She had even insisted on taking Bella shopping to get a new dress for the dance.

Lovingly, Bella ran her fingers over the fabric of her dress. It made her feel grown up and...beautiful. It was a nice feeling. "I was surprised when you asked me to the dance," Bella confessed after a moment.

"I was even more surprised when you said yes," Mike admitted with a chuckle.

"Why is that?" Bella asked.

"Well, I guess..." He trailed off and made a nervous movement with his shoulders. "I don't know, you've just never seemed real interested in dating or anything. Not that I've heard anyway."

Bella smiled and looked out the window. "I wasn't really, until now."

"What changed?" Mike asked.

She looked at him and tilted her head, studying him carefully. "I guess I just figured out that things have to change. That people have to change too, because that's just the way things are."

Mike nodded but did not answer; however, his hand moved over to hers and grabbed it, holding it lightly. His palm was slightly sweaty, but so was hers.

A short while later, Mike was parking the car and then jumping out to open her door for her. Bella waited and put her hand in his. Mike leaned in a little bit and she could smell the mouthwash and cologne scent of him. It wasn't unpleasant at all. "You look beautiful," he said quietly. "I got too distracted to tell you earlier, but you do."

"You look pretty good yourself," she said, and meant it. He had worn a blue shirt that brought out the blue of his eyes. He had ridiculously long lashes, she noticed when she was up close. But they were blond so they were hard to see. He had really nice eyes, she decided.

Proudly, he put her arm through his and escorted into the dance. They presented their tickets and walked into the gym. One song was ending and another was beginning, something slow. At that moment, Mike leaned down again. "I just wanted to say thank you...for coming to the dance with me. I'm really glad you did," he said softly.

Bella smiled up at him, feeling beautiful and different, not at all like the Bella Swan who usually fumbled her way around this very gymnasium. "I'm glad too," she said.

She looked up to see Edward practically running away from Jessica Stanley. Bella sighed. Boys...they were incredibly weird.

**~~~This Much~~~**

It was the Monday morning after the dance and Edward was leaning against her locker as she approached it. She had gotten a ride with Angela again, much to her mother's chagrin. Bella was well aware of the fact that her mother and Edward's were best friends, but she just wasn't ready to sit beside Edward every morning.

"How did you like the dance?" Edward asked by way of greeting, launching his assault right away.

She opened her locker after nudging him aside. "It was nice." She glanced at him from beneath her lashes. "And how did you like it?"

Edward shrugged. "It was okay." He paused and his jaw muscles seemed to bulge for a moment. "Looks like you and Mikey Newton were getting along just fine."

"Yes," she answered in a neutral time. "And he prefers to be called Mike, just so you know. But yeah, we had a very nice time."

"Good," Edward said in a sharp tone. "That's great."

Bella slammed her locker shut. "And did you and Jessica and her boobs have a nice night too?" She quirked one brow at him in inquiry.

Edward smirked and then blushed a little because he and Jessica's boobs had had a very nice night indeed. He had actually touched his very first tit, and it was an experience he knew he'd never forget. Boobs were definitely one of his favorite things now.

Bella took one look at his face and gave a humph of disgust before stalking off, muttering under her breath.

**~~~This Much~~~**

Edward was doing some muttering of his own as he walked to class. He wasn't sure how it had all gone wrong. He had intended to grill Bella and find out exactly what had happened between her and that Mikey twit. Then she had brought up Jessica's boobs and he could only think of how they'd felt in his hands, soft, heavy, warm weights. He could almost feel her nipples in his palms again, pushing against him as he rubbed them. He hadn't been sure of what he was doing, but Jessica hadn't seemed to have any objections. Of course, she had put a halt to things when he had let his fingers skim up her thigh. But that was okay, just feeling her boobs had been awesome. And the memory of them wasn't so bad either. Unless, of course, it distracted him from something important. Like getting the scoop on Cry Baby Mikey Newton and Bella Swan. Shit.

He had been foiled by boobs.

**~~~This Much~~~**

Eventually, Bella began riding to school with Edward again. Then soon after the school year ended, Edward turned sixteen and got his license. He had offered to drive her the following year and Bella accepted. Edward got a used car, and Bella was pretty sure that there would be no such thing in her immediate future.

They didn't see quite as much of each other that summer. Bella and Mike went out a few times, but it never really clicked between them. They were better as friends, and both of them were smart enough to realize it. Edward and Jessica seemed to "click" just fine, and Bella had to endure Jessica's company quite a bit when she and Edward did hang out.

Then school started again and Bella had to see Edward and Jessica together much more often. That might have upset her, except that...

One Thursday afternoon a new student arrived. His name was Jasper Whitlock and his family had moved to Forks from Ft. Worth, Texas. He and Bella and four classes together and she had thoughtfully offered to show him around the school. He had accepted her offer with a shy smile and tucked his hands in his pockets. Bella expected him to say "Aw shucks" but he didn't. Bella decided that there was something to be said for Southern charm.

** ~~~This Much~~~**

Edward watched as Bella plucked at the grass. Their parents were all having dinner together, but the teens had grown bored with the conversations about lawn mowers and countertops and wandered outside. "So...you've been hanging out a lot with that Whitman kid a lot."

Bella sighed. "It's Jasper _Whitlock_ and you know it."

Edward shrugged. "Whatever," he muttered. "The guy's weird."

"He is not."

"And you can practically hear his spurs when he walks," Edward continued.

"He doesn't wear spurs," Bella said.

"You know what they say," Edward went on. "Only two things come out of Texas...steers and queers."

"Very mature, Edward," Bella mocked. "And _so_ original. You think I didn't see that movie too?"

"Just saying, ma'am," Edward drawled in a horrible imitation of Jasper's Texas accent.

"Well, I think he's hot," Bella remarked.

"Hot? Are you kidding me?" Edward asked in disbelief. "His legs are so long that they're practically deformed - and his hair? Don't get me started on that shit. It's so blond it's gotta be dyed, and what kind of guy dyes his fucking hair? And his eyes look like some sort of alien!"

Bella just shook her head and rolled her eyes. "You're just a stupid, jealous prick, Edward Cullen."

Edward glared at her for a moment and then pulled on her arms, jerking her close to him. The next moment, his lips were planted firmly on hers. The kiss started out hard and angry and then she sighed and her lips went soft under his and her hands were clutching at his shoulders. His tongue swept in to stroke along hers and he groaned.

A moment later he was blinking in confusion when Bella pushed him roughly away and jumped to her feet. She stomped her foot and gave a little shriek. "God, are _all_ boys such stupid assholes?" Then she turned abruptly and all he heard was her muttering. "I'll never figure them out. Ever. I swear. It's impossible!"

He groaned and flopped back on the grass, knowing exactly how she felt. Then he smiled and touched his mouth, which still seemed to tingle from that stolen kiss. God, she had tasted good. He'd never known a kiss could feel like that. It had been... The only thing he could compare it to was the time Emmett had dared him to lick a battery and his tongue had tingled for hours it seemed.

Yeah, like that. But _way_, way better.


	7. Chapter 7: Almost and Endings

I don't own these characters. They are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. I only borrow them. No humans are permanently harmed through my actions, though I do confess to harassing, annoying, torturing, and exasperating them – just because it's fun. I make no money from my little stories, sad day. I only play in the sandbox, I didn't build it.

**Chapter 7: Almost and Endings**

For the first time since they'd met in kindergarten, Bella didn't see Edward celebrate his birthday. His girlfriend, Sarah, invited him to go to Mexico with her and her family. Edward had, of course, taken her up on the offer and turned eighteen on the sunny beaches of Mexico. Bella knew he was just hoping to get laid. She knew that Sarah wouldn't give a damn about him once they graduated from high school. And she knew that she herself would care about him until the day she died.

But of these things, she did not speak.

Since that day when he had kissed her, Edward had developed another personality. He hadn't bothered to get rid of the old Edward; he'd just added a new and annoying Edward to his repertoire. The old Edward still met her at her locker and sat with her at lunch if they had the same lunch. The old Edward still invited her over to watch scary movies and eat their weight in popcorn. The old Edward helped her with her calculus homework.

She still liked the old Edward. It was the new guy who was pissing her off. The new and definitely not improved Edward sometimes didn't return her calls for a day or two. The new Edward had started dating Sarah Morgan and the changes that had been coming for a long time finally arrived. Bella cried for a few nights, but then her mom hugged her close and told her that crying wasn't going to change a thing.

"That's not the Bella I know," Mom said, wiping away the last of the tears. "Yes, it hurts now, but pain eventually fades and nothing stays the same."

"I thought we'd be best friends forever," Bella muttered.

Renee smiled and kissed her cheek. "You never know, kiddo. Yes, right now the wheel has turned one way. But who's to say it won't turn the other way someday? Besides, you've got a great life ahead of you and you should start living it...with or without him." She brushed back Bella's hair. "Now, go take a shower. Put on some make up, and get dressed. I'm taking you shopping."

"Shopping doesn't solve everything you know," Bella said, but she was smiling too.

Renee shrugged. "Yeah, that may be true," she admitted. Then she winked. "But it certainly doesn't hurt either!"

From that day on, Bella handled things a little better. She ate lunch with another group of friends and found that the space beside her didn't seem so empty, even if _Edward_ wasn't there. She buckled down and tackled calculus on her own. She invited Angela over to watch scary movies and they ate their weight in popcorn and talked about the unknown, shallow recesses of the teenaged male mind.

Eventually it stopped hurting as much, until...

Until the day Edward was leaning against her locker, just like the old days. The smirk on his face made her heart sink, as if it already knew what he was going to say. She had always known him so well, sometimes she felt like she could read his mind. He made small talk for a few moments, but she could tell he was just dying to tell her something. And then he did and for a moment, she felt as if she was balanced on a precipice.

Edward had had sex with Sarah. She was his first. She would_ always_ be his first. And Bella knew that one day soon, she would be nothing more than a girl he knew in high school, a faded memory, a face that he could not quite recall. She wanted to scream and hit things; she wanted to bring a curse down on the girl who didn't deserve to be Edward's _anything_, much less his first. She fought a battle within herself, holding onto her sanity by the thinnest of threads.

And Edward was oblivious.

"Oh my God, Bella," Edward said. "It was fucking amazing! I mean, I always knew I'd like sex, but this was..." He seemed to lose focus for a moment and Bella knew he was recalling the act.

"That's great, Edward," Bella said. "Just be safe," she added and then walked away.

He stared after her, wondering why what had seemed so special and amazing was now somehow tainted. Then Sarah sidled up beside him and stuck her tongue in his ear and he forgot that little twinge inside of him.

**~~~~This Much~~~~**

It was graduation day and Bella sighed as she saw just how hideous the bright yellow graduation gown looked on her. The only bright spot was that it looked equally terrible on almost everyone. Except, perhaps Edward... He had the ability to look heartbreakingly handsome in anything he wore.

With a determined expression, Bella removed the gown and cap and joined her parents downstairs. Today was a huge day in her life. It would be a defining moment, and not just because she was going to graduate. No, today was important for another reason.

Today she was going to tell Edward Cullen how she felt about him and let the cards fall where they may. He'd probably just shake his head and flash her that famous smile and then walk away and fuck Sarah Morgan, but Bella knew she had to tell him. He couldn't make an informed decision about them if he didn't know what was in her heart.

And today, she was going to tell him.

**~~~This Much~~~**

The ceremony was over and Bella had found Edward outside the gymnasium. They had exchanged hugs and Bella had copped a subtle sniff as they did so. When they pulled apart, Edward's eyes were already scanning the crowd. Desperate to get his attention back on her, just for a moment, Bella knew she had to say something. Anything.

"So," Bella said. "You're going to Europe for the summer."

Edward stared at her in bewilderment, looking over her shoulder for his girlfriend. "Uh yeah, you knew that Bells."

"Yeah, yeah," she agreed. She felt her stomach roiling in her mid-section and wondered briefly if it was possible to die from anxiety.

"What?" he asked. "What's wrong?" Bella bit her lower lip and Edward brushed his thumb along her cheek. "What's wrong, Bella?" She closed her eyes at the touch, because this was the old Edward, the Edward who cared about her more than anyone else in the world. She opened her eyes again. It was the moment of truth.

"See, Edward," Bella took a deep breath. "The thing is that I… Well I feel…more…" She blushed furiously, feeling her cheeks heat up. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel-"

Just then Sarah threw her arms around Edward's waist and kissed him loudly on the cheek. "You ready to get out of here, baby?" She looked at Bella and gave a slight smirk. Sarah had never really liked Bella, who didn't care at all because the feeling was more than mutual. "Hey, Bella, you look…great."

Bella gave them both a sick smile. "Wait, Bella," Edward said. "You were saying?"

"Just saying that I felt…uh sick," she answered quickly. "Better go, see you later."

Bella thought she might have heard Edward call her name, but then she heard Sarah laughing and knew that whatever he might have said, it was too late now.

It was much too late.

**~~~This Much~~~**

Some people said that Bella Swan practically snuck out of town the following week. Bella didn't see it that way. She calmly explained to her parents that she wanted to get an early start on college and take some summer classes. The class she wanted to take was open and her mother's friend had a room for Bella to rent for a very reasonable sum. She had gotten a partial scholarship to the University of Florida and she was anxious to begin her new life.

She did stop by to tell Edward good-bye, but he was out with Sarah at the time. So Bella left her new email address with Esme. Edward's mom hugged her tight.

"I'm going to miss you so much," Esme said. "You're my daughter, you know. You always will be." Esme wiped at the traitorous tear that tracked down Bella's cheek. "Would you mind very much if _I_ emailed you?" Esme asked.

"That'd be great," Bella said with relief. She didn't have Edward any more, but to lose Esme and Carlisle would have been unthinkable. "I promise to write back."

"Okay," Esme agreed and then hugged her close again. "Just remember, Bella, that boys grow up much more slowly than girls. Edward needs time to figure things out. He's not completely stupid, he's just male."

Bella gave a shaky laugh. "Okay, I'll try to remember." But she didn't have faith in Esme's words. She knew an ending when she saw it. "I love you," she told Edward's mom.

"I love you, too, sweetheart," Esme said. And then she murmured. "I'm not the only one who does either." But she didn't elaborate and Bella couldn't endure if she did, so the words fell between them and disappeared.

Later that day, Bella was on a plane and flying to Florida. She wouldn't see Edward Cullen again for three years.


	8. Chapter 8: Bike Shop Boy

I don't own these characters. They are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. I only borrow them. No humans are permanently harmed through my actions, though I do confess to harassing, annoying, torturing, and exasperating them – just because it's fun. I make no money from my little stories, sad day. I only play in the sandbox, I didn't build it.

**Chapter 8: Bike Shop Boy**

Her mother's friend Tanya picked her up at the Jacksonville airport. From there, they would drive to Gainesville, the home of the University of Florida. Gainesville didn't have a major airport of its own, so Bella had had to land in Jacksonville. The moment they walked out of the airport, Bella felt the air sucked from her lungs. It was like breathing hot water.

"Holy crap," she muttered, wiping at the sheen of sweat that immediately coated her face. Her arm pits started pooling with sweat too. Lovely.

"Yeah, that humidity is killer, huh?" But Tanya lifted her face up the strong sunshine, apparently basking in the heat and the moisture.

"I thought Forks was wet," Bella said. "But this...this is something else."

"You get used to it," Tanya assured her.

"If you say so," Bella replied doubtfully.

"So, let's see," Tanya continued. "I live in a little house right near the center of everything in Gainesville. It probably won't be much of a problem to find a job within walking distance if you want. More on that later. I know your mom said you weren't sure if you wanted to look for a car yet or not. If you do, I'm dating a mechanic and he can give any car you're interested in a good look over so you don't get a lemon."

"Okay," Bella said. Her mother had told her that Tanya would take her right under wing, but she hadn't expected quite this much.

"Oh, and I know the owner of a bike shop just two blocks over," Tanya continued as she drove onto the interstate. "Bikes are big around here. More students ride bikes than drive cars, so he's busy. He hires students quite often and I told him you were coming to town, so if you want to check there first you'll probably get the job."

"Wow." Bella paused. "I...thank you...I don't know how to thank you."

Tanya shot her a big grin and shrugged. "Listen, your mom has been my rock for more years than I want to admit. It's nice to be able to do something for her...for you."

"Thank you," Bella said again and relaxed in her seat, watching the scenery go by. Suddenly, Florida didn't seem so scary...or lonely.

**~~~~This Much~~~**

Tanya's friend Ted, who owned the bike shop, seemed to be glad to hire Bella. The morning after she arrived, Bella walked over to the bike shop and twenty minutes later had landed her first job.

"When can you start?" Ted asked.

"Anytime," Bella said. "My classes are on Tuesday and Thursday morning this semester, so I guess any time other than that."

"Cool," Ted said. "My son goes to the university too. He's a senior this year, broadcast journalism," Ted said with obvious pride. "He can show you around, maybe introduce you to some people if you want."

Bella heaved a sigh of relief, suddenly aware of how anxious she had been about finding her way around such a huge campus. "If he doesn't mind, that would be great."

"Good enough," Ted said with a nod. "How about you come here tomorrow about ten in the morning? He can drive you over. He's not taking any classes this summer since he's doing an internship, but he'll be around a bit."

"That's very nice of you...of both of you," Bella said. Then she frowned. "He won't mind you volunteering his services, will he?"

"Nah, the kid'll thank me," Ted assured her. "He likes hanging out with pretty girls." Ted winked at her and then laughed when Bella blushed.

The next morning, Bella was at the bike shop at 9:45 and took a deep breath before she opened the door. She didn't see anyone at the counter but then the beaded curtain behind the register moved and a young man walked out. Bella felt her breath lock in her throat and her pulse began to thunder.

Tall? Check. Dark? Check. Handsome? Check, check, check.

"Hi," he said with a wide grin, revealing perfect white teeth. "My name is Nick, and I'll be your tour guide today." He gave a quick bow and then reached out to shake her hand.

Bella laughed at the frankly flirtatious look he gave her. She shook her head. "I think you're trouble, that's what_ I_ think."

He leaned in close and whispered, "But sometimes trouble is so much fun, don't you think?"

She shivered a bit, and was surprised at her reaction. And then she smiled. Her heart, battered and bruised, seemed to grow warm inside of her chest. Maybe this was what healing felt like.

Edward _who_?

**~~~This Much~~~**

Bella and Nick became practically inseparable after that. Between her class and her job and Nick, Bella found that she didn't have any time to brood. There was no time for regrets. There was simply this new life and she meant to enjoy it. Nick became a big part of that new life.

Not only did he help her get situated as far as school was concerned, he fixed up a bike for her to ride when he wasn't available to drive her. They compared their tastes in literature and music. They argued politics. And they made out. A lot. Sometimes they argued just so that they could kiss and make up.

The day after they met, he kissed her for the first time. It was a good kiss; it might have even been a great kiss except that Nick got hit in the back of the head by a Frisbee. Still, it had been pretty damned good, interrupted or not.

Tanya must have seen something on her face when she got home that night, because she gave her a swift hug and whispered, "Good for you!"

Apparently, her mother had a big mouth and had blabbed at least something of Bella's past. Then she laughed at herself. It really wasn't much of a past, at least nothing like in the romance novels. She hadn't been kidnapped or tortured; she hadn't lost her only true love in a ship wreck. She had just fallen in love with a boy who had been unintentionally cruel. He hadn't meant to hurt her, and that was the irony of it all. Edward was a good person; he was just young and stupid.

Bella decided that it was time to be a little bit young and stupid herself. Two months after they met, Bella found herself alone with Nick in his father's house. After dinner, Nick had looked at her and said softly, "My Dad is on an overnight trip. I've got the house to myself. Would you...would you like to come home with me?"

She knew what Nick was asking, and he knew what a momentous decision this was. He knew that she was a virgin and he knew that she had had her heart broken just a little. Coming to a sudden decision, Bella nodded abruptly and Nick let out a breath.

Bella texted Tanya to let her know she wouldn't be home that night. Tanya texted back with what had become her motto. **Good for you**.

Nick offered her something to drink and Bella declined. She was too nervous to drink anything, even a soda. At first, they just stared at each other awkwardly and then Nick pulled her into his arms and placed soft, tender kisses up and down her throat before finally moving to her lips. Slowly, he unbuttoned her shirt. He didn't remove it right away, simply let it hang open. Then he pulled off his own tee-shirt and she gasped at the feeling of her flesh pressing against his.

Eventually, he pushed her shirt off her shoulders and it fell to the floor with a whisper. He moved her bra straps off her shoulder too and then looked at her for permission to go any further. She gave it with a kiss. He moaned and put his hands on her hips, grinding his erection against her.

It was a scary, exhilarating, amazing feeling for Bella.

"My bedroom's right down the hall," he whispered. And they moved down the hallway, stopping to kiss every other step.

Then he opened the door and picked her up, carefully depositing her on the bed. "You look fucking amazing," he said, the light from the hallway spilling into his bedroom and onto the bed.

Then he was on the bed with her and the rest of their clothes were tugged off and thrown aside. At last, their bodies were pressed against each other with no barriers, toes to lips. He sucked at her nipples until she was arching against him. She discovered that he really liked having his neck kissed. His fingers stroked between her thighs until she was wet for him, writhing against him and panting out his name.

They explored each other with innocent greed. When he settled between her thighs, he reached over to a bedside table and withdrew a condom from the drawer. "Okay?" he asked in a strained voice once he had rolled the condom onto his dick.

She nodded, suddenly apprehensive. "Yeah."

He pushed into her slowly, coming to a halt when he met her barrier. Her eyes widened as they met his and he lowered his mouth to hers to kiss her when he swiftly pushed all the way in. It was a sharp, stinging pain that quickly receded, but it took her breath away all the same. He held still, as if he knew. She felt him shake and tremble against her, but he kept himself completely still. A drop of sweat traced its way down his cheek.

Finally, she felt ready to go further and nodded. He groaned loudly and thrust and pulled and thrust and pulled. She felt balanced on the edge of that feeling she had when she pleasured herself. But this was more intense, sharper, edgier. He reached down and rubbed at her clit, moving in gentle circles. "Like that?" he whispered.

"Just like that," she groaned.

He kissed her again, his groan filling her mouth like he filled her body. "Fuck, you're so fucking tight and wet," he muttered against her mouth. "What do you need, baby?"

She blushed, knowing she needed something but not sure what it was. "Just keep going," she finally ordered in frustration.

Nick laughed at her tone and licked up her neck. His fingers kept toying with her and his thrusts slowed. His voice was in her ear and he lifted his body off of hers a bit. "Look at us, Bella," he implored. "Look at me inside of you."

And she did. At that very moment, Nick thrust hard and shouted. The sight of him thrusting into her, the touch of his fingers, and the feel of him pulsing inside of her were just enough to push her over the edge. Nick collapsed half on her, half supporting his own weight. He was a slick, sweaty weight against her and she loved it. 

She ran her fingers through his black hair and kissed his tanned brow. His eyes fluttered and he looked up at her, his grin both triumphant and goofy. "Wow," he said.

"Yeah," she smiled. "Pretty wow."

His expression grew concerned. "Are you sure? I mean, I know your first time is a big deal and I hope I didn't fuck it up."

She laughed and kissed him. "As first times go, I think this is pretty damned good."

He smiled then and settled against her with a sigh. His hand nestled on her breast. Closing his eyes, he snuggled up with her. "You're pretty amazing, Bella Swan."

"You're not so bad yourself, Nicholas Stevens," she said.

They slept and she did not dream of green-eyed boys.


	9. Chapter 9: GoodBye Girl

I don't own these characters. They are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. I only borrow them. No humans are permanently harmed through my actions, though I do confess to harassing, annoying, torturing, and exasperating them – just because it's fun. I make no money from my little stories, sad day. I only play in the sandbox, I didn't build it.

_**Author's Note: Just a warning...this chapter contains an Edward/Sarah lemon. If that squicks you out, you might want to skip it. It's toward the end. May I just say that I don't think Edward's a bad guy? He's young and clueless, but hey, none of us knew what the hell we were doing at that age. Neither does Bella, for that matter. And as for Sarah, you know if Edward Cullen asked YOU out, you'd go. Come on...admit it, LOL! You know you would! I admit it. I would too. In a heartbeat! What I'm trying to portray is a realistic picture of two young people who aren't ready to be in love and so they follow the paths of their lives separately until they are ready to be together. I'm not a big believer in pining away forever. ;P Our experiences make us richer...**_

**Chapter 9: Good-Bye Girl**

Sarah was waiting for him at the airport with his parents. He hugged his mother first, as duty demanded, and then grabbed Sarah and twirled her around. "I missed you," he whispered. She kissed him and his parents did their best to look the other way.

Finally, Edward relinquished his hold on her and took her hand to follow after his parents to baggage claim. "So...how's everyone been around here?" He wasn't sure if he wanted his mother to mention Bella or not.

"Good, nothing exciting happening," Mom said.

"Glad to know I didn't miss anything," Edward said. He wasn't going to ask about Bella, that was for damn sure. Nevertheless, he was glad to be home, even though he wouldn't be there for long. Classes started in two weeks and he'd leave for the university in a week.

Sarah gave him one more kiss just before they got into his parents' car and they held hands throughout the trip home. She seemed as content as he was just to be together again. He'd only been able to call a few times during the two months he'd been gone, and his access to email had been sporadic. It didn't help that he was having too much fun to worry about it for the most part.

Once he was home, he dumped his laundry in the laundry room, put away his clean clothes, and told Sarah to chill out in his bedroom while he took a shower to wash off the jet grunge. He was tempted to wrap himself in a towel and let Sarah unwrap him, but knew that wouldn't be cool with his parents in the house. He'd take her out tonight and they could get reacquainted, he thought with a grin.

They curled up on his bed and talked about what they'd done during the summer. It seemed to him that they talked about everyone they'd gone to school and what they were up to – everyone except one.

Her name hung between them. Bella.

When Bella left town unexpectedly, Edward had been shocked. She hadn't called him to let him know she was dropping by, and he had been hurt when she left without a word. He had been complaining about it to Sarah when she'd finally lost patience and poked him in the chest with her finger. "You're such a..." She seemed to search for the word she wanted. "Such a _guy_!" Her words were a strange echo of Bella's and that stung. Sarah shot up from the ground and glared at him, her hands on her hips.

"What'd _I_ do? She's the one who snuck out of town like a thief!" He was pissed off that she wasn't taking his side.

Sarah sighed and plopped down on the grass again and motioned for him to do the same. "Really? Are you_ really_ that clueless?"

"What?" His head was beginning to ache. Girls... They needed to come with an instruction manual.

Sarah stared at him for a long moment and then shook her head. "Nothing, it's not my place. But...cut her some slack, would you?"

"You don't even _like_ Bella," Edward protested. He had never mentioned it, but of course he had been aware of the tension between them.

"First of all, I don't _dislike_ Bella...at all," Sarah told him. Edward just gave her a "oh please" look and Sarah rolled her eyes. "Really, I don't. It's just that...she's got this part of you that no other girl will ever have and frankly, that's a little hard to handle sometimes." She looked away from him. "A girl has some pride, you know."

"You're full of shit," he mocked. Then he moved in closer and slanted his mouth over hers. "Never thought I'd see the day when you took Bella's side over mine," he muttered a bit petulantly.

Sarah leaned away and smiled. "Let's just say I can understand how she feels."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Edward asked.

"Nothing," Sarah replied. "Now take my clothes off."

And the matter had been dropped. 

But now Edward recalled it in every awkward detail.

He brushed back Sarah's hair and closed his eyes, wondering why the ghost of Bella Swan still came between them. "I missed you so much," Edward said.

"Never would have guessed it by how often my in box was empty," Sarah teased.

"Sorry, you know how bad I am about shit like that."

"Yeah, I know," she said. "Still, would an email once a week have killed you?"

"I only sent seven emails the entire summer," Edward said. "Three to you, three to my mother, and one..."

"And one to Bella," Sarah finished.

"Yeah," he said and flopped on his back to stare up at the ceiling. As always, thoughts of Bella made his gut clench. He recalled his email to her, drafted and redrafted in his head a hundred times. In the end, he'd been unable to say what he really wanted to say. _Why did you leave without saying good-bye? What did I do to hurt you so much? How did we come to this?_ Instead, he'd sent her something generic and boring and completely bullshit. But she'd answered in the same vein and he'd left it alone.

She had been his best friend forever and, aside from that one stupid kiss, he'd always kept that relationship clear and separate. He didn't want to muddy the waters with the attraction he felt for her. Hell, they made _movies_ about how a guy and girl could be friends, but only until they fucked. Then it was all over. He hadn't wanted that, but it had come down to that anyway. Somehow, he'd lost her anyway. Edward sighed. He didn't want to talk about Bella. He didn't want to even _think_ about her.

"You miss her," Sarah mused.

Edward shrugged; he was anxious to change the topic. "Yeah, I mean sure...I guess."

Sarah groaned. "God, if your head wasn't so hard I'd hit you."

"I have another head that's hard," he shot back and wriggled his eyebrows.

"I'm sure you do," Sarah replied with a grin.

Edward rolled on top of her, making sure to listen for his parents. And once again, the subject of Bella Swan was officially dropped.

** ~~~This Much~~~**

Edward was leaving for college tomorrow and he had rented a hotel room for him and Sarah to say their good-byes properly. She was heading off for a tiny, private college in Tennessee, while he had opted for UCLA. For once in his life, he wanted some sunshine and he was determined to get it.

They had a nice dinner but had to forego the wine since they weren't exactly legal yet. It didn't matter; they both had a nice sexual buzz going. After dinner, Edward drove them to the hotel. It was relatively nice, nothing five-star or anything, but accommodations weren't exactly plentiful in Pt. Angeles.

They opened the door to their room and Edward put his keys and wallet on the dresser. Sarah kicked off her shoes with a sigh of relief and flopped down on the bed. She whipped back the bedspread to reveal crisp, white sheets. Then she leaned up on one elbow and patted the mattress beside her. "Come on, handsome. I'm getting lonely over here."

He grinned at her and took a moment to remove his shoes and socks before he joined her. She sat up and he kissed her, cradling her face in his hands. "You look so hot tonight, babe," he whispered against her mouth.

She groaned and pulled him close. "Oh God, I'm gonna miss this," she said.

"No shit," he agreed.

They fell to the bed and Edward rolled, pinning her beneath him. His expression went solemn for a moment. "We've been good together, huh?"

She nodded, though her tears looked a bit misty. "Yeah, we've been good."

He paused. "I'm afraid...I'm afraid that it won't be the same anymore. We'll be so far away and..." He took a deep breath. "You know."

She caressed his face and nodded. "Yeah, I know."

"I have this terrible feeling that big changes are coming and I'm not going to like them," he admitted softly. In truth, he was terrified, not that he'd ever admit it.

"Changes _are_ coming, Edward," Sarah agreed. "But that's just how things are. So we take the now and don't worry about tomorrow." She gave him a wry grin. "Isn't that what we're supposed to do at this age? Do whatever we want and say 'screw the consequences!'?"

He grinned at her, but the effort was weak. "Since when did you get so smart?"

"Since I became a college student," she teased back, but her tone was more solemn than the words required. "Make love to me," she pleaded.

He groaned and his mouth found hers. She swiftly pulled his belt loose and unbuttoned his pants as he started sliding her dress up. She had to stop her efforts so he could finish the job and they ended up laughing when her head got caught. She wasn't wearing a bra and Edward's eyes lit up at the sight of her bare breasts waiting just for him. He lowered his held and licked at her nipple, first one and then the other. She squirmed and wriggled beneath him, using her feet to work his pants down his ass and legs. Then she locked her legs around him and ground her heat against his erection, only the flimsy barriers of panties and boxers separating them. They both groaned at the contact.

Unable to wait any longer, Edward tugged at her panties and then removed his boxers. He patted the bed, looking for his pants until he found his wallet and got a condom. She rolled it down his cock, making him hiss. He put her legs over his arms and thrust into her, confident that she was ready for him. She was.

Grunting, he pulled back and then thrust into her again. "Fuck yeah," he muttered.

"Faster," she ordered, giving his ass a little slap.

He laughed, which pushed him further inside of her and they both lost all sense of restraint. He wanted to make it last longer, but he exploded within minutes. Of course, Sarah had beaten him. It hadn't always been that way, of course, but they were good together. Gone were the days when he came within a few strokes. He collapsed against her and laughed. "Holy shit, woman," he said. "You're gonna kill me one day."

**~~~This Much~~~**

It was time to say good-bye. They had agreed that they would say their farewells in private when he dropped her off at her house. Her parents hadn't been thrilled with the overnight date, but had come to the conclusion that with her leaving for college in a few days, there really wasn't much to say. Edward put her small, overnight back on her porch and then grabbed her into a tight embrace.

She leaned up and caressed his face. "Go set the world on fire, Edward. You're a pretty special guy; you deserve good things."

"Why does that sound like a 'been nice to know you'?" he asked sadly.

"It might be, it might not be," she said with a shrug. "Only time will tell. But if it is, I want you to know that I'll never forget you." She grinned and kissed the corner of his mouth. "You were my first and you are a nice guy. Somewhat clueless at times, but decent and good underneath all that testosterone. Not every girl is so lucky."

"Hey, I'm not that bad!" he protested.

"No, you're not too bad," she amended with a slight smile. "You'll call me?"

"Yeah. You too?"

Sarah nodded. "I will, but listen...if the whole long distance thing doesn't work out...for whatever reason...don't feel bad. I just...I just wanted you to know that...well...you've been pretty perfect as a boyfriend."

He paused for a moment, his forehead resting against hers. "I'm scared," he admitted in a whisper.

"Me too."

They stood silently for a long moment, trying to come to terms with all of the changes that were coming. Finally, he sighed and pressed one last kiss to her lips. "I...I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too," she told him quietly. Reluctantly he released her and walked toward his car.

She called out just before he closed the door. "Good-bye and don't be a stranger!" and gave him a wave.

He returned it and told himself sternly that those were not tears making his eyes sting. Not at all.


	10. Chapter 10: Let Us Entertain You

I don't own these characters. They are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. I only borrow them. No humans are permanently harmed through my actions, though I do confess to harassing, annoying, torturing, and exasperating them – just because it's fun. I make no money from my little stories, sad day. I only play in the sandbox, I didn't build it.

_**Author's Note: Having been a high school teacher and raised four teenagers of my own, not to mention having a houseful of "extra" kids that seem to be underfoot all the time (not that I mind, I love each and every one of them!) I would like to add something I've noticed about the maturing process. It's never smooth or spread out. It seems to come in fits and jumps. Two steps forward, one step back. Sometimes three steps back. I find it fascinating to watch a young person slowly come into their own. You can watch the process as they mature a bit here and there, and even with the mistakes we all make along the way, it's a precious thing to be privy to. Okay, I've waxed philosophical long enough. :p**_

**Chapter 10: Let Us Entertain You**

Bella gave her mother a hug and let her exclaim over her new haircut, how tanned she was, and how much she had missed her. In truth, she had missed them too. Her first year of college was over and it had been wonderful for the most part. Her smile slipped a bit. Nick had left two days ago for a coveted internship in New York City. Though she had agreed it had been an opportunity not to be missed, she still wondered if she had made the right decision.

Nick and had tried to talk her into transferring to a college in New York. But even if she had wanted to – and she didn't – it would have been far too costly between the loss of her scholarship and the huge hike in living expenses. They had broken up with a whimper instead of a bang. He had been too honest with her to promise to wait for her; she had been too realistic to expect him to do so.

While Edward had never been a ghost between them, Bella had known enough to realize that what she felt for Nick wasn't as intense and all-consuming as what she felt for Edward. It was that overwhelming feeling of inevitability that she wanted, and she was pretty sure she deserved it. And so did the man she would choose. What they shared had been sweet but it was over. A lingering sense of sadness sometimes overcame her, but she knew that in time, even that would fade. She knew enough to know that what they had wasn't worth changing her life over and he knew it too.

Besides, it was good to be home and among familiar and comfortable people and places. She was determined to enjoy her summer with her parents. She also hoped to see some old friends. She had come to a decision too.

When she saw Edward, she was going to tell him the truth. She was going to tell him how she felt. What he did with that information would be up to him, but she had it on good authority (his mother) that he wasn't dating anyone at the time. And neither was she, so the timing was superb. He'd probably just laugh in her face, but at least he'd know the truth. And she would know how he felt, for better or worse. She had come here to bare her heart to him.

Now, it was up to fate.

** ~~This Much~~**

They were eating dinner and Renee looked up and said in a soft voice, "I heard from Esme today."

"Yeah, I talked to her last week," Bella said. "She was all excited about Edward coming home." Bella was proud of herself for saying his name, out loud and casual, like it was nothing special at all.

"Yes, well...about that," Renee hedged uncomfortably.

Bella looked up to meet her mother's gaze. "What about that?"

Renee tapped her fingers on the tablecloth. "It seems that Edward isn't coming back home for the summer. A friend of his has invited him to work with him this summer at his family's ranch."

With a look of incredulity, Bella snorted. "Edward as a _rancher_? Hardly! Besides, he's never even been on a horse."

Shrugging, Renee could only reply. "That's what he told Esme."

Bella frowned at her plate, and began pushing her food from one side to another. Fate, she mused, seemed to have decided the matter for her.

**~~This Much~~**

Edward threw his bag on the small bed that Jimmy had told him was his. Looking out the window, he could only stare at the vast expanse of the Montana sky that greeted him. He had thought himself well accustomed to what nature had to offer, but Montana seemed to be on a whole different scale.

It would be good to be somewhere new, he thought. No one would be looking at him expectantly, wondering when he was going to get his shit together. His mother never said it, but he could see it in her eyes. She was waiting, but for what he didn't know. Maybe he'd never know.

He had matured a lot during the last year. He and Sarah had stayed in touch, but not as much more than friends. She had moved on and she cared for him, but Edward had known he was on his own. He had dated sporadically. A few times they had ended up in bed, and it had been good. Sex was good pretty much any way you looked at it, from Edward's point of view. But after the sex there was always that awkward moment of trying to decide if you really wanted to see her again. Most of the time, the answer was no – which only led to more awkwardness.

So he had decided to get away from everybody and everything back home, to skip out on their tugging and pulling. It had been a chicken shit move, he knew. But when his mom had told him that Bella would be home for the summer, Edward knew he couldn't face her. It wasn't guilt really that gave him that ache in his gut. It was the wondering.

Their sporadic emails had finally sputtered to a halt about a month ago. She'd written him last and somehow, everything seemed to conspire against him replying. No, it couldn't possibly be guilt because that would be stupid. He hadn't done anything to Bella. It was only natural that they would both move on to different things and different people. In ten years they would meet at their high school reunion and they would laugh over all the stupid stuff they had done as kids together and things would be comfortable because she would be there with some guy and he'd be there with a woman and there would be none of the lingering tension...

Edward shoved away the sadness that thought evoked and unpacked his stuff.

** ~~This Much~~**

"So how did Bella take the news?" Esme asked when Renee called her later that night after Bella had retreated to her room.

"Exactly how I thought she would," Renee answered. "She looked like a kicked puppy."

Esme sighed. "I'm sorry, it so unexpected! What is that boy of mine _thinking_?"

"It's all right," Renee soothed. "It might be better this way. Bella's just getting out of a relationship and the timing could be better."

"Still, I was so hopeful that maybe they'd...I don't know," Esme admitted. "You're right. They're not ready. And we decided long ago not to push the matter, so I'm going to keep my mouth shut. Around Edward at least."

"We've had this discussion many times, Esme Cullen," Renee scolded lightly. "They're young, too young, and they need to experience life on their own terms. I know it seems hopeless right now, but if it's meant to be it'll happen."

"But how is it that my son is so blind?" Esme asked. Then she laughed. "Carlisle tells me to keep my nose out of it and reminds me of Cole Shepherd."

"Who or what is a Cole Shepherd?" Renee asked.

"Remember that boy I told you my mother thought I should marry instead of Carlisle? _That_ is a Cole Shepherd." She paused. "I met him my first year of college and when my mother came down to visit me she met him and she fell in love with him. Unfortunately, at that point I'd already met Carlisle and was desperately trying to figure out a way to break up with Cole and get Carlisle to notice me."

"Which you obviously did," Renee pointed out.

"Yes, well my mother made poor Carlisle's life miserable for a while, Esme replied. "She was convinced that Cole would be the better match for me and didn't mind informing Carlisle of that fact."

"And you insisted on choosing your own husband," Renee laughed. "How contrary of you."

"That's me, always the problem child," Esme said. "Oh well, I know you're right. If someone has to_ tell_ him that Bella has feelings for him then he doesn't deserve her."

"And what about my daughter?" Renee asked in exasperation. "She's just like her father, won't say five words when two will do. Why can't she just tell him that she loves him?"

"Think about it, Renee, would you? If you had loved Charlie and didn't know how he felt about you, could you have made that leap? Especially at the age of nineteen?"

Renee snorted. "Oh please, I practically had to arrange for a singing telegram to tell Charlie that I loved him to make him actually_ hear_ what I was saying and he still returned it with "me too" and then shut up for the rest of the evening."

"But Bella's just like him, so making the first move isn't going to happen," Esme said. "So you and I will just have to be patient."

"Being patient sucks," Renee retorted.

"Aren't we supposed to be the grownups?" Esme asked.

Renee sighed. "Why can't our families just realize how much better their lives would be if they would just do as we tell them to do?"

"A mystery for the ages, my friend," Esme commiserated. "But admit it, sometimes it's fun watching them flail around."

Renee paused. "Well...there _is_ the entertainment value, I guess."


	11. Chapter 11: Near Misses

I don't own these characters. They are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. I only borrow them. No humans are permanently harmed through my actions, though I do confess to harassing, annoying, torturing, and exasperating them – just because it's fun. I make no money from my little stories, sad day. I only play in the sandbox, I didn't build it.

**Author's Note: A few of you feel that Esme and Renee are horrible parents. With grown-up children, you have a whole new set of parenting challenges. As a parent, you are not there to "fix" everything for them. It is your job to provide love and support and understanding as they make their own way. You have to let them make enough mistakes to learn from them, and yet you always hope that you can keep them from making the kind of mistakes that cause irreparable damage. It's a fine line to walk. And when it comes to love? It's best to stay out of it all together. Unless your child is in actual danger, they have to work such things out for themselves, at least as I see it. The biggest challenge of parenting is not what you say; sometimes it's WHEN you say it. Of course, Esme and Renee don't find their children's pain amusing, they are hurting too. I joke most about the things that hurt the most. They realize that at this point it could do more harm than good to interfere. I don't think that at 19, these two are really ready to "be together." They need to live on their own for a while and if it's meant to be, it will be. Nothing will stop it. Anyway, that's my view on this parenting thing, gained in my 28 years of on-the-job training**. **I'm still learning, so be patient with me. That's what I tell my kids all the time and luckily, they still think I'm trainable. I have great kids. :p**

**Chapter 11: Near Misses**

Bella stared at the ring on her finger, twirling it around and admiring it in the light. They had just gotten in back from the jeweler's and it fit perfectly now. It was a beautiful ring she knew, it was just so...ornate. Not really her style, but she supposed she would grow used to it. Besides, the man was more important than the ring. "I knew I should have stolen a ring out of your jewelry box," Sean murmured as he kissed it. "Or just asked you what size you wore."

"I love it," Bella said. "Besides, I don't really think there's a casual way to ask me my ring size." Truthfully, she had been both shocked and completely unsurprised when Sean had popped the question. Up until the moment the question had passed his lips, she hadn't been entirely sure of her answer.

She loved Sean. He loved her. They had so much in common. They both wanted to be teachers. She was going to teach high school and he was going to teach at the college level. They both wanted at least two kids. She was almost twenty-one years old and some of her friends were starting to figure out their life plans and picking that one person they would live it with. All of her friends love him and commented on how good they were together. They laughed at the same jokes; they loved the same movies; they read the same books. Sex was fulfilling and exciting.

Wasn't the next and obvious step marriage? Sean seemed to think so. Bella tried to think so. She tried to believe. Some days it worked better than others. When it came down to it, however, she simply couldn't formulate any objections to the plan.

"I need to call my parents and tell them the good news," she said. "Now that the ring is officially on my finger."

"Forever," Sean reminded her.

"Forever," she murmured and then kissed him. She turned away frowning. What the hell was wrong with her? _Get a grip_, she scolded herself. She dialed her parents and was not surprised when her mother picked up. Her father could ignore the ringing of a phone with a dedication that bordered on pathological. He did it mostly to annoy her mother, she was sure.

"Hello favorite daughter," Renee greeted her.

"Only daughter," Bella replied, as she always did.

"You'd still be my favorite," Renee assured her. "Even if I had a dozen of them, which thank goodness I didn't or I'd never wear a bathing suit again."

"Well I guess we'll never know, now shall we?" Bella retorted.

"Uh oh," Renee said. "What's wrong, baby?"

"I've said less than a dozen words, and none of them indicated anything was wrong," Bella said incredulously. "What makes you think something is wrong?" Before her mother had a chance to say something along the lines of 'a mother knows these things' Bella forged ahead. "Actually, it's quite the opposite." Glancing at Sean, she smiled brightly. "I called to give you good news. Sean...Sean proposed."

There was a moment of silence. Finally, Renee asked quietly, "And what did you say?"

Bella snorted. "Well I said yes, of course. Why else would I be calling you and telling you I have good news?"

"Of course," her mother said but she sounded distracted. "Is he right there?"

"Uh yeah," Bella said. "Mom..."

"Congratulations, Bella, I'm very happy for you," Renee continued, speaking right over Bella. "Let me get your father and you can tell him the good news for yourself."

"Mom-"

Sean gave her a puzzled look and Bella shrugged. "She couldn't wait to tell my Dad so she's gone to get him." It sounded good, and besides, there was no reason to stress out Sean simply because her mother had gone insane.

Sean smiled and nodded.

A few moments later, her father was on the line. "So, what's going on, Bells?"

"Well, Daddy, I got engaged!"

Charlie was quiet. "To who?" he finally asked.

"To Sean Riley, Daddy," Bella answered patiently, rolling her eyes at Sean. Her fiancé just laughed.

"Is that the kid with the motorcycle?" Charlie asked.

"No, Daddy," Bella replied patiently. "He drives an SUV."

"Is this the kid in the band?"

"I never dated anyone in a band, Daddy," Bella reminded him.

Charlie grunted. "What's his social security number?"

"Daddy!" More laughter from Sean. "You are not running a background check on him, and that's that."

Sean took the phone from her. "Sir? This is Sean Riley. You're more than welcome to run a background check on me." He rattled off his social security number. "Oh, and my middle initial is H for Henry." He stuck out his tongue at Bella, who was shaking her head vigorously. "And my birthday is April 7th and I'm two years older than Bella. My blood type is O negative and I've never been arrested, though I am the not-so-proud recipient of two speeding tickets, but I haven't gotten one in two years."

Another grunt from Charlie. "Okay then," he said. "When's the wedding?"

Sean replied, "Not sure of that yet, sir. Bella wants to graduate first and then we'll see."

"Good plan," Charlie approved. "Put Bella on."

"Yes, sir," Sean agreed.

"Hello, Dad?" Bella said. "What the hell was that?"

"_That_, Bella, is father stuff," Charlie informed her. "And not up for negotiation. So just suck it up."

"Really, Daddy, this is ridiculous," Bella protested.

"Here's your mother," Charlie said abruptly.

"Okay, well then," Renee said briskly. "Tell Sean welcome to the family and I guess we'll be talking later about details and such."

"Mom? Are you okay?" Bella asked.

"Oh, I'm just fine, dear," Renee answered. "It was just a bit of a shock. I wasn't expecting it. Just give me a few days to adjust to the fact that my baby girl is all grown up and I'll be annoying you by butting into your wedding plans in no time."

The words were all correct and logical, but Bella didn't believe them.

"Okay..." she said uncertainly. "I'll talk to you later."

**~~This Much~~**

Esme answered her phone. "Hey, Renee? What's up?"

"Disaster, that's what's up!" Renee almost wailed.

"Whoa, slow down," Esme said. "Is Bella okay Is she hurt?"

"What? Oh, of course she's fine," Renee muttered. "No, this worse in a way."

"Worse than bodily injury?" Esme teased.

"Much worse," Renee said. "She's...I don't even believe it. She's engaged, Esme! Engaged!" Renee made a choked sound. "I didn't even realize that they were that serious. They've only been dating for six months. I can't believe she'd do this. It's so...out of character."

"Oh," Esme replied weakly, sitting down at the kitchen table. "And is he a nice young man?" She had to try to be polite, after all. She loved Bella like a daughter and she wanted her to be happy. Yes, that was the important thing – Bella's happiness.

"What?" Renee asked, sounding surprised. "Oh yes, he's perfectly nice. He's polite and thoughtful and has a wonderful future ahead of him."

"Then what's the problem?" Esme was trying very hard to be supportive. It was her job as a best friend.

"He's all wrong for her!" Renee cried.

Esme had to laugh. "You're right, it would be much better if he was a drug addict who stole her credit cards and cheated on her."

"This is serious, Esme Cullen!" Renee said furiously.

"Oh, Renee," Esme murmured sadly. "Don't alienate her now. She needs you now. If he isn't the right one for her, she'll figure it out on her own. She's a smart girl. And if he_ is_ the right one, she'll never forgive you if you try and interfere."

"So I just let my child step in front of a speeding bus?" Renee asked.

"No," Esme assured her. "Watch her, watch _them_, listen, and be there for her. But most of all, don't _push_ her. If she starts to have second thoughts, she'll confide in you if she doesn't feel like you're going to jump all over it. Give her your honest opinion, and then let it go because this is a mistake she'll have to correct or make on her own."

There was a long silence. "I guess..."

"You know I'm right," Esme said.

Renee heaved a sigh. "Damn it, yes, you are."

"I'll send Bella an email later and tell her congratulations," Esme said.

"Yes, and maybe you could just mention how one shouldn't rush into these things," Renee said dryly.

"Oh Renee, don't ever change," Esme said with a laugh.

"Are you going to tell Edward?"

"He's so busy now," Esme said. "I don't hear from him too much and he always seems distracted when we do talk. So...we'll see."

**~~This Much~~**

_Six months later..._

The music was loud and the beers were cold. It was shaping up to be a great evening as far as Edward was concerned. It was good to be back in his part of the country. He could understand how his parents wouldn't believe that, since he'd spent much of the last three years avoiding home as much as possible. But he had been ready to finally come home.

He was heading to the bar when he bumped into a petite brunette. She turned to see who had run into her, when he felt his heart clench. "Bella?" he asked at the same moment she said his name.

"Oh my God!" Edward said with a whoop of joy. "I can't believe it's you!" He hugged her close and twirled her around in a circle. "It's been for fucking ever!" She felt really good in his arms, very, _very_ good actually.

Bella laughed, though she was somewhat unsteady on her feet. "Hey, Edward," she said quietly. "Yeah…it's been a while."

"So, what have you been up to?" Edward asked. He vaguely remembered his mother mentioning Bella during a phone call home, but then he had been distracted by his buddies calling him to play Guitar Hero and quickly ended the conversation. He tended to do that when his mother brought up Bella. He still wasn't sure why, just that he always felt vaguely out of sorts after they talked about Bella Swan.

She held up her hand and wriggled in front of him. Her_ left_ hand. "Well," she said shyly. "I got engaged." He felt her eyes on his face, watching for his reaction.

For some reason, Edward felt like he had been punched in the gut. "No shit?" He pasted a grin on his face and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "That's just great. Really. Congratulations."

He wondered why the words made his throat tighten. So his reaction was to distance himself. He ran his fingers through his hair. "Listen, it was great to see you again, Bella!" He turned and looked over his shoulder. "But I've got to run. Congrats, again. Really."

Then he ran away from her and made his excuses to his buddies. He just wanted to be alone. Alone.

He was glad he had already arranged to crash at a friend's place in anticipation of a night of heavy drinking. He let himself in and collapsed on the bed in the guest room, closing his eyes. But the problem with that was that he could still see Bella flashing that sorry excuse for a ring in his face.

It was obvious that whoever had given it to her didn't know fuck all about Bella's tastes. She was more the understated elegance kind of woman, classy but not flashy. An emerald cut diamond would have suited her, he thought.

"Fuck," he muttered. He surged to his feet, feeling restless and strangely angry. "What the fuck was she thinking? She's too fucking young to get married," he muttered to himself as he paced.

Then he sat down on the bed and buried his face in his hands. He had been a coward. He had been a terrible friend. When was the last time he'd actually taken the time and talked to her? It had to be years. When was the last time he'd emailed her? Texted her? Months. Many months.

He was a horrible person and even worse friend. It was just too hard to be "friends" with Bella now that he suspected that maybe, perhaps, he had kind of, sort of fallen in love with her just a little bit somewhere along the way. And what a disaster that was. He was a coward who had lost his chance and now she belonged to someone else.

_It should have been me_.

** ~~This Much~~**

Bella had come home for an unexpected visit. She had cashed in all of her frequent flyer miles plus used her savings to fly home for the weekend. She had even skipped a day of classes. There had just been an urgent, driving need to get home. Between the plane tickets and the car rental, she was tapped out, but the moment she stepped over the threshold, something inside of her loosened.

Renee was alone since Charlie was at work. When Bella walked in, she found her mom in the kitchen. She had a recipe book open in front of her and was carefully measuring out ingredients.

"Hey, Mom," Bella said and Renee jumped.

"Oh! You scared me," Renee said and came forward to hug her daughter. When she pulled away she studied Bella's face and frowned. "What's wrong, baby?"

To her horror, Bella's eyes filled with tears and she felt a sob take up residence in her throat. "Oh, Mom..." she said in a shaky voice. "I think I made a mistake and I don't...I don't know how to fix it."

With that, Renee turned off whatever was on the stove and ushered her daughter into the living room. She settled them on the couch and just held Bella while she cried it out for a few minutes, stroking her hair and murmuring quietly to her as she sobbed. When Bella finally calmed a bit, Renee cradled her face in her hands and wiped at the tears on her cheeks. "What's going on, Bella?" Renee asked gently.

Bella shuddered slightly and then met her mother's gaze. "I think..." She shook her head. "It's a mistake to marry Sean," she stated bluntly.

"Okay," Renee said. "So don't marry him."

"But everyone knows we're engaged and-"

"Then everyone can know you're not engaged anymore," Renee replied.

"It's going to break his heart, Mom," Bella said. "He's so sweet and kind and-"

"And _so_ not the guy for you," Renee interjected.

Bella slumped and then gave a short, jerky nod. "Yeah."

Renee smiled slightly and gathered Bella close. "I think it would be worse if you married him with these doubts in your heart, Bella. It wouldn't be fair to him. He is a nice guy, and he deserves to have a woman who loves him completely and can't wait to be his. Marriage is hard, and if you're not one hundred percent committed to each other, it's practically impossible."

Bella gave a weak laugh. Renee turned and got a tissue from the box on the coffee table. Gently, she wiped at Bella's face. "Bella, you've just turned twenty-one. You've got a long, happy life ahead of you. There's no hurry. Get your degree, find your first grown-up job. Rent an apartment and worry about finances and make mistakes and figure out who_ you_ are." She kissed her forehead. "Until you know who Bella Swan is, you can't really give all of yourself to someone else, you know?"

Bella was silent for a long moment, resting against her mother's shoulder. "I have to tell Sean, don't I?" she asked in a quiet voice.

"Yes, love, I'm afraid you do," Renee said. "And it will be difficult and you'll be hurting him. But better a little hurt now then a huge hurt later. Sean is a wonderful man, and you are a wonderful woman, you just aren't meant to be together and there's nothing wrong with that."

"He's going to be so upset," Bella murmured.

"Yes he is," Renee agreed. "But all you can do is be kind when you tell him, be honest with him. You owe him that much."

Bella leaned back against the couch. "I'm scared."

"Being grown up and responsible _is_ scary," Renee said.

"Why can't I love him like that?" Bella asked forlornly.

Renee smiled sadly. "I think...I think that maybe someone else has claim to your heart and when you're ready, it'll all come together if it's meant to be."

Bella bit her lower lip.

"There's plenty of time for all of that," Renee said. "Just go out and live your life. Enjoy yourself."

Bella met her mother's gaze squarely. "Do you think...do you think Edward's figuring things out, too?"

Somewhat surprised that her daughter had finally spoken on the one subject that had seemed forever closed, Renee smiled and shrugged. "I don't know, I think so. Esme thinks so. But Edward is a man and honestly, I think it just takes them longer to get it all straight in their head. But I strongly believe that fate has us all in hand. If we try to force something, to push before it's time, then we risk losing the very thing we want so much." She smiled sadly. "All I can tell you is that you need to have faith, and when the moment is right, you'll know it. He'll know it. And if it isn't with Edward, you'll meet someone that you can marry without hesitation or doubt or wondering if this is it."

"I wish things were simple like they were in kindergarten," Bella muttered and Renee laughed.

"Oh my beautiful girl, I wish I could kiss the boo boo away for you, but I can't," she teased gently.

Bella smiled sadly and put her hand over her heart. "It hurts right here..." she whispered.

So it was that Charlie found them sitting on the couch, hugging each other, both laughing and crying at the same time. He shook his head, realizing yet again that he would never,_ ever_ understand women.


	12. Chapter 12: Change of Plans

I don't own these characters. They are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. I only borrow them. No humans are permanently harmed through my actions, though I do confess to harassing, annoying, torturing, and exasperating them – just because it's fun. I make no money from my little stories, sad day. I only play in the sandbox, I didn't build it.

**Author's Note: To be fair to Renee, she did tell Bella that she thought Edward might be getting his act together. :p There is always hope, LOL! Anyway, I don't think either mom has the right to tell Edward or Bella about someone else's feelings. It would be rather presumptuous of either Renee or Esme to assume that they are reading those feelings correctly. Imagine the disaster if they did open their mouths only to find out that they are wrong! It happens you know, sometimes we screw it up as parents. I, for one, would NEVER presume to know with absolute certainty what anyone else is feeling, even my own child. Perhaps **_**especially**_** my own child, LOL! They could hint, I suppose, but even that could backfire. But may I add that I am incredibly flattered when someone gets passionate about a character I'm writing, whether it's in a good or bad way? So thank you for caring enough to get pissed off at them (or me). :D**

**Chapter 12: Change of Plans**

Edward allowed himself a little fist pump as he walked out of the building. He had landed his first real, grown-up, in his field type of job and he had capped off his third month of work with a short 'atta-boy' meeting with the boss man. And it was with a major architectural firm. It was strictly entry-level, but his boss, Mr. Atwater, liked him and his work. Edward knew that this was just the beginning, and if he played his cards right, he would have a long and successful career ahead of him with Mr. Atwater as a mentor of sorts. The old guy had a reputation for taking new talent under his wing and nurturing that talent. Getting his attention could be a major boost in Edward's career and he was wise enough to know it.

For more than a year, Edward had focused all of his energy on finishing his degree with the highest marks possible. Then he had pursued his dream job and looked into programs that would further his opportunities in his field. For the next few years, he would be too busy to have much of a social life but that didn't matter.

Partying had left him cold ever since –

Well, no need to think about that. He had made a positive change in his life and it had paid off. Now was not the time to start brooding or missing what might have been. He had a bright future ahead of him and he intended to savor every moment of it. The mistakes of the past were just that – the past.

Now it was time for a visit home since he wouldn't have that luxury for a while. He'd be living halfway across the country and free time would be almost non-existent. For the first time, he was looking forward to going home. He even enjoyed his talks with his mom again, once she'd stopped talking about her.

He still felt a little bid bad about how he'd yelled at his mother. He had said something along the lines of "I don't want to talk about her and if that's all you want to discuss then I shouldn't bother calling." His mom had gone silent for a long moment and Edward had been about to apologize, but she'd given a little sniff and simply said, "All right, Edward. What would you like to talk about?"

From that moment on, Bella's name had ever passed her lips in their conversations. Edward still wasn't sure if that was a relief or not. It didn't stop him from dreading opening his mail, waiting for that inevitable wedding invitation. It would be tastefully done and he would hate it – and the groom - on general principle. But it had never arrived, and even if they had been waiting for Bella to graduate, that day would have come and gone by now.

But if he could just get through the week without running into her, then he'd be okay. He'd be home free. For once in his life, he was going to do the right thing and not interfere in Bella's life. She had obviously moved on and he was happy for her. He had done the same. And he, just as obviously, wasn't the type suited for love just yet. He needed to get his shit together- and he would. One day, far, far in the future, he'd find a girl that made him want to buy a house with a white picket fence and they'd have a few kids and he would be able to look back on Bella with nothing but fond memories.

At dinner that first night home, he finally worked up the courage to ask about Bella. A good offense and all that shit, he decided.

"I never got an invite to Bella's wedding," he said. "Did I get left off the guest list or something?" That wouldn't have surprised him, and it would be nothing less than he deserved. From this point on, however, he was going to look forward, not back.

Then he noticed his mother glance at his father. It was one of _those_ looks and he was immediately curious. "What?"

Emmett snorted. "You mean you didn't hear?" Emmett seemed amused at his brother's ignorance.

"Hear what?" Edward was starting to get pissed off.

"The wedding got called off," Emmett replied with a grin, as if the news pleased him.

"Oh." Edward found himself torn between a fierce, unexpected joy and the desire to pummel the unknown, prospective bridegroom into the ground. "What happened?"

Emmett shrugged. "No idea really," he said. "It just sort of…didn't happen." With that response, Emmett seemed to lose interest in the discussion.

Edward looked at his mom. Esme shrugged and that weird smile she sometimes got tugged at her lips. "Maybe he just wasn't the one for Bella," she said softly and then deftly changed the subject.

Later that evening, he and Emmett were out having a few beers. "So, is Bella in town?" Edward asked as casually as he could.

"Nah, not that I know of anyway," Emmett replied. He shrugged. "Why do you care? You two don't even talk anymore."

Edward wanted to argue that point, but he couldn't in all honesty, so he kept his mouth shut. "You know how it is after high school," he said rather lamely.

"Whatever," Emmett muttered.

They drank in silence for a while and finally Edward asked, "So where is she?"

Emmett heaved a sigh of exasperation. "What the hell is up with the Bella Swan inquisition?"

"I'm just curious," Edward said.

"Then call her mom and ask here where the hell Bella is," Emmett suggested. "Or shut the hell up, I don't really care which."

"Fuck off," Edward grumbled.

**~~This Much~~**

He was sitting on the deck, admiring the view of the wilderness that spread out behind the house. He missed this. Chicago was definitely the big city, and he loved the fast pace of it all, but there were times when he longed for the relative peace and quiet of the small town he called home. He would miss it when he left tomorrow, but at the same time he was anxious to get back to the life he was building.

The French doors opened and his mom came out onto the deck with a mug of coffee. "You still wake up early?" she asked in surprise. "I would have thought that years of college partying would have put a damper on that."

Edward shrugged, and took another sip of his coffee. "I don't go out like that anymore, Mom. Besides, I have a job and responsibilities now."

"Yes, I suppose you do. I keep thinking of you as that foolish young college student." She smiled. "Are you seeing anyone?" his mother asked. Edward rolled his eyes. It was a favorite question of his mother's, much to his chagrin.

"No," he answered. "I'm too busy to do much dating."

"So there's no one?" Esme pushed.

"No, I don't date right now, I don't have time," Edward said. He paused. "Besides, I have to spend the next few years devoting my time and energy to my career. Dating is very low on my priorities right now."

"So this job is a big deal?" Esme asked.

"The biggest," Edward told her enthusiastically. "It could open all the right doors for me. I've even been accepted into the post-graduate program I wanted and my company will pay for part of it." For once, Edward felt confident, and he knew he was good at something. The personal shit left him befuddled, but the work stuff? Well, he had that under control.

"So you've got everything you wanted right there in Chicago?"

"It's everything I've worked for," Edward said thoughtfully. "So yeah, my future's there – most definitely. I can't see myself going anywhere else, at least not for quite a while. I don't want to blow this chance. It means too much, and besides, they took a chance on me and I want to show them what I can do." He turned to her and grinned. "And I know I can do it. I'm good at what I do, and I'll get better. Mr. Atwater agrees with me."

"I'm happy for you," his mother said.

"Thanks," he replied. "That means a lot to me."

"I suppose you had to leave Forks to make it big. There's not much of a market for you here," Esme said regretfully.

"I'll come home to visit, you know that," Edward promised.

"Not like before, huh?" his mother asked dryly.

Edward grimaced. "Yeah...about that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for a lot of things. I had my head up my ass and I know it. But things are better now. I've got my focus back. I know what I want and I know what I have to do to get it and I'm willing to make the sacrifices. It won't be easy, but it'll be worth it."

"You've changed," Esme noted.

"God, I hope so," he teased. "I'd hate to think I was still the same jerk I was in high school."

"You weren't a jerk all the time," Esme assured him.

For some reason, he thought of the first years of high school and of Bella. "No, I guess not," he admitted.

"Do you know why I think Bella didn't marry that boy?" Esme asked out of the blue.

Edward choked on his coffee. "Uh...no...why?"

She smiled slyly. "I think she knew that he just wasn't the man she was supposed to be with for the rest of her life."

Edward frowned. "She was too young to get married anyway," he said. "People are stupid to get married that young."

"Do you think so?" Esme asked.

"I know so," Edward replied. "You should spend your twenties getting your career in order." That's what Mr. Atwater had told him and Edward agreed. "Then, when you're established there, you can worry about the other stuff."

"I suppose," Esme allowed with a small nod. "Still, love doesn't always come on a schedule."

"Well it should," Edward said.

Esme laughed and shook her head. "You still have some growing to do, Edward."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She just sighed and shook her head again. "Nothing. There are some things you'll just have to realize for yourself. Just promise me one thing, okay?"

"Sure, sure," he answered. "Whatever you need."

"Don't you think you should know what I'm asking first?" she asked with a grin.

"Nah, you're my mom and I trust you," Edward said.

"Okay then, there's just one thing I want you to keep in mind as you make decisions about your life."

"And that would be?"

"Sometimes...sometimes there are hidden depths to people, things you don't see or realize, and you have to look carefully beneath the surface to discover what they're really feeling," Esme said. "Just promise me that you'll remember that."

"I have no idea what that means," he told her.

"I know," she said. She reached out and brushed back his hair. "You know, sometimes the things we go searching the world for are right here in our backyards."

His eyes met hers. "Yeah, I know." Then he blew out a breath. "But sometimes you screw it up so bad that you can't go back. You don't deserve to get a second chance."

"How will you know unless you ask?"

"Because I know, and I won't..." He shook his head. "I'm making changes for the good now, and I have to focus on that, Mom. I can't let a bunch of other crap get in the way."

"Love is never crap, Edward," his mother chided.

"You know what I mean," he muttered. "Just...just don't go there. Whatever little fantasy life you've manufactured for me, I don't want it. I don't deserve it, so just let it go. Please. For my sake. You're making it seem like there was something there that wasn't. If there _had_ been, it would be there now. It obviously isn't. So just...drop it."

"But Edward-"

"Mom!" Edward surged to his feet. "Please, I'm begging you, just let it go. I know where I want to be in five years, and it isn't in Forks, Washington with a wife and 2.5 kids. I want to be in Chicago. I want to be successful, and then maybe...one day far in the future, I'll see about the wife and the 2.5 kids. That's not me. Not now." He turned and started back into the house. "Maybe not ever..." he mumbled.

_**Author's Note: I admit to having help with this conversation between Esme and Edward. It is based, in large part, on a very similar conversation I had with a very good friend several years ago. I hope she doesn't mind me using her words. She is, btw, happily married now and expecting her second child. :p**_


	13. Chapter 13: All the Pieces of the Puzzle

I don't own these characters. They are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. I only borrow them. No humans are permanently harmed through my actions, though I do confess to harassing, annoying, torturing, and exasperating them – just because it's fun. I make no money from my little stories, sad day. I only play in the sandbox, I didn't build it.

**Author's Note: Edward and Isabella are now twenty-five years. Also, thanks for your patience. I was fortunate enough to land a job as a massage therapist just a week after graduating. So I've been working on some techniques and pestering the licensing board. My license finally arrived and I start next week! So, while I'm excited and thrilled, I'm also completely stressed out. :p Also, I'd like to thank a reader for inspiring me to adopt my second hero through Soliders' Angels, which is still one of my favorite causes. And one last thing, if you leave a review, maybe you could recommend a story you're enjoying (or maybe writing?). You can also PM me your suggestions if reviews aren't your thing. Thanks!**

**Chapter 13: All the Pieces of the Puzzle**

Edward grew a lot in the next few years. He had finally realized that everything he did had a consequence, and he would have to learn to live with it. While he didn't seem to be good at the "love stuff" as he called it, he was kicking ass on the career front.

He discovered that he liked the unrelenting pace of his new job. He liked staying at the office until ten at night, and he enjoyed the feeling of accomplishment he felt when he submitted an assignment and knew it would exceed their expectations. He relished the stress of wondering if things would get completed on time. He didn't even mind the vagaries of the clients' minds when they suddenly declared they had something else in mind. It was all part of the challenge as far as he was concerned. He found satisfaction in the ache of muscles protesting too many hours spent hunched over a drafting table.

Finally, after two years of practically living at the office, he knew he had achieved what he set out to achieve. He was on the rise and those in the upper ranks knew it. Finally, even his immediate supervisor told him to cut himself some slack.

"You keep this up, Cullen, and you'll burn out before you hit thirty," Simon advised. "You need to take off at least one day a week – and no more staying until midnight every night."

"I only stay until ten most nights," Edward corrected.

Simon just shook his head. "Well, that shit stops now."

Edward began to protest but Simon held up his hand. "No, listen to me. A few nights a week burning the midnight oil is fine – hell, it's _expected_. But every night?" Once more he shook his head. "No. So, at least two nights a week unless we have a big deadline approaching, I don't want to see your ugly mug here past seven p.m. Got me?" Then he clapped Edward on the back. "Besides, you're making an old geezer like me look bad. So cut it out." He paused. "Listen to someone who knows, kid. Even your work will suffer if you don't slow down a bit. You're young. Enjoy it while it lasts."

That was when Edward knew he had achieved the first level of his goals and could – finally – begin to relax a bit. It was purely coincidence that he met Marissa St. John just a month later.

** ~~This Much~~**

If Edward had made a list of what he would look for in a woman to share his life, Marissa would have met all of his requirements. She had come into his life at the precise moment when he had started to contemplate that maybe – one day – he would want a woman in his life. She was a lawyer, busy working her way up in a law firm. She was two years older than he was, and she was worldly and cultured. She liked the opera and ballet, though she could just as easily throw back a few beers at a pool hall if the occasion called for it. She was confident without being cocky, beautiful without being too high maintenance, and honest and forthright to a fault. He often teased her that she'd never make it as a lawyer with that annoying honesty streak running through her. Her boss would have argued the point.

They became lovers on their third date and the sex was very good. She was a generous and skilled lover and she taught him a few things. He returned the favor when he could. Their relationship developed naturally, easily, and there was never a moment when they had to work at it.

And that, he finally decided, was what bothered him. They were comfortable with each other, incredibly so. There were no devastating lows, but neither were their any dizzying highs. It seemed to Edward that there should be more spark so early in their relationship, more...something. He wasn't sure what it was, but he knew something was missing.

To see if that feeling persisted, he went looking at engagement rings, just as a test run, to see how they made him feel. He looked at dozens of rings, but even when he found one he knew she would like, he couldn't bring himself to pull out his wallet. He couldn't picture actually offering it to Marissa, couldn't see it on her finger.

At last, he realized that what he couldn't imagine was Marissa being the face he woke up to every morning for the rest of his life. He couldn't imagine making a family with her, or taking her home to Forks to introduce to...everyone.

Edward had learned to be honest enough with himself to face facts. The bald truth was that he would never ask Marissa to marry him simply because he didn't want to marry her. He liked her. He respected her. He even loved her in his own fashion. But he wasn't _in love_ with her and he knew he never would be.

** ~~This Much~~**

Marissa was looking at him with clear anticipation in her eyes. Somewhere about six months into their relationship, she had made it plain that she had definite expectations where their relationship would end. It was just as obvious that tonight she had finally run out of patience. Or maybe she was just wondering why he hadn't made that final leap into a permanent commitment. Sometimes, he wondered himself. On paper, Marissa was perfect. In reality, something inside of him couldn't take that irrevocable plunge. It was perfect, but it wasn't _right_. He didn't know how else to explain it – even to himself.

Lately, he had been sensing that she was dissatisfied with their relationship and the lack of progress it was making. Frankly, he couldn't blame her. He couldn't fix it, but he knew the fault was his own.

"Edward?" she asked softly. "Can I ask you something?"

Uncomfortable, he fiddled with his silverware but then forced himself to meet her eyes. "Sure."

"So...first gut reaction answer...do you see what we have leading to anything permanent?" Marissa was an honest person. She didn't play games; she didn't fudge the truth. It was one of the reasons he liked her so much. It was just one of the many reasons he had almost been sure she was _it_.

He paused and something in her expression shifted. "Okay..." she murmured, lowering her gaze. "I guess that answers that."

"Wait," he said, putting a hand over hers. "Would it make it better or worse if I said that I stood looking at engagement rings for over three hours a few weeks ago?"

Her smile was sad as she shook her head. "I don't know, Edward. I just don't know." She tilted her head and studied him. "I thought...I thought that what we had was good."

"It was good." He sighed. "It_ is_ good. Can't that be enough for now?" he pleaded.

She took a deep breath. "You're right, it was good. It was very good. You're the first man I dated who understood the crazy hours I keep." She worked fourteen hours days, sometimes six days a week. Since Edward's work schedule was similar, they'd fit together nicely. It had been comfortable and easy. Maybe too easy? "But I think..." Her voice trailed off. "I think we're getting to a point where we just want different things. That doesn't make you a bad guy, but it doesn't mean I'm at fault either. It just means that we don't mesh anymore." She patted his hand. "Nobody's fault, it's just the way things are. You're going one way, I see myself going another."

"Things don't have to change," Edward murmured. This was exactly what he had feared would happen. It was inevitable.

Marissa shook her head. "Yes, they do, I'm afraid." She briefly touched his cheek. "Edward, you're a wonderful guy. A little distant at times, a little moody, but still a great person. I thought...I thought that maybe you'd be the man I spent my life with, but if you're not ready to move forward at all, then I have to ask myself if you'll ever be ready."

Edward stared at her miserably. "I just don't know," he admitted.

"Then it's better that we end it now, before either of us ends up getting hurt even more," Marissa said and got to her feet.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, you know," Edward said softly.

"I know," Marissa said. "But it still hurts, whether you meant to or not." She kissed his cheek. "I hope you find what – or who – makes you happy."

** ~~This Much~~**

_**One year later...**_

Edward couldn't believe what he was contemplating. For four years, he had struggled and sweated and worked his ass off to make his way in Atwater Designs. And now...now he was thinking about leaving it all behind.

A chance remark from his father had started it all. It had tossed all the puzzle pieces of his life into the air.

Emmett and his wife, Rosalie were expecting a baby and had been unable to find a house they wanted. They decided to build one, but Rose had some very specific things she wanted in a home. The wise thing, they decided, would be to design their dream house. They had approached the one and only architect in a sixty mile radius only to be informed that he was retiring and would soon be sunning himself on Miami Beach.

That one remark had roused up all sorts of inexplicable feelings in Edward. He remembered Thanksgiving dinners at home, his father mangling the turkey and his mother burning the sweet potato casserole and yet somehow pulling together the perfect Thanksgiving feast. He remembered being home for Emmett's wedding over a year ago and how right it had felt to watch his brother take a wife and to call Rosalie his sister. It was clear that Emmett and Rosalie were in love, the forever kind of love that withstood cranky kids, toothpaste tubes left open, and a lawn that needed mowed every Saturday.

Edward had felt, for the first time in a very long time, comfortable in his skin – at _home_. There had been only one thing missing. Bella had been overseas on a teaching assignment. She had snagged a position in Japan for a year and hadn't been able to make it back for the wedding. That had been, in Edward's eyes, the only thing that kept it from being perfect.

Then Emmett called to tell him that Anna Grace had been born. "Hey Uncle Edward," Emmett had yelled.

"Really?" Edward asked, laughing in amazement at how it felt to hear those words. "She's here? She's healthy?"

Emmett bragged on Rosalie and his daughter. He bragged about how cool he had been under pressure and how beautiful his baby girl was. Edward wished he could have been there to see it all in person.

In the end, Emmett and Rose hadn't had time to build their dream home. But Edward had had time to design it. He knew, beyond a doubt, that he wanted to be there to oversee the construction of it. He wanted to be home. He was tired of Chicago and the endless race to be the best.

He wanted what Emmett had, and he could only give thanks that it hadn't taken him decades to make that realization. The pieces of his life suddenly fell down around him and – miraculously – fell into place.

It was time, he decided, to go home. It was time to see if maybe he could get a second chance at something he hadn't even known he wanted the first time around.

_**Author's Note: Edward and Bella will finally be reunited in the next chapter!**_


	14. Chapter 14: Homecoming

I don't own these characters. They are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. I only borrow them. No humans are permanently harmed through my actions, though I do confess to harassing, annoying, torturing, and exasperating them – just because it's fun. I make no money from my little stories, sad day. I only play in the sandbox, I didn't build it.

**Author's Note: Thank you so much for all of the awesome recommendations. I can't wait to start delving into all those stories. And yes, massage therapists get stressed too. I haven't had a massage in soooo long. Now that I've got co-workers, I'll trade them. I tried to teach my husband how to give a massage, but he never can go more than ten minutes before the whole thing degenerates into "Oh, she's naked! Let's have sex!" Not that I'm complaining, LOL! But yeah, I could use a massage too. :p**

**Chapter 14: Homecoming**

Bella gazed around at her classroom with a deep sense of satisfaction. It finally felt finished; it finally felt like hers. Her stamp was all over it, from the colorful posters to the bulletin boards to the novels stacked up and ready to go into eager – and not so eager – hands. The new school year would start tomorrow and she was more than ready.

With the coming fall, Bella felt change in the air. It wasn't just a new school year or a fresh bunch of students; it was so much more. Her time in Japan had been good for her on so many different levels. She had gained confidence as a teacher, the students' deep respect for her had helped her find her footing as a disciplinarian. The rowdier American students had been different from her Japanese students, but no less endearing. She liked them all, the students who struggled, those who excelled, both the readers and those who despised the activity. They were all different, and as adolescents, they didn't have a clue. Bella remembered those painful years all too well.

When she had returned from Japan, she finally felt grown up, or close enough anyway. Her mother had never truly grown up and Bella wanted to be like her. Renee still found a naïve joy in life that was both admirable and sometimes confusing. Thinking of her mother brought to mind her partner in crime. Esme Cullen had become a close friend over the years. Now they were both women, not mother and practically adopted daughter. They were on a more equal footing, and their conversations reflected that fact. To Esme, Bella could confide those things that even her mother would never hear.

Esme was excited because Edward was going to move home. Bella was not yet quite sure how she felt about that, but her mother had given her some good advice. "Don't assume anything one way or the other. Let things play out just like you would if he was any other man. If he's the one for you, I suspect you'll discover that. If he's not, then you can move on and not wonder what might have been." As flighty as Renee sometimes seemed, beneath the façade there was a deep core of almost ancient wisdom.

Of course, Esme could not quite hide the hope in her eyes. Bella would say nothing to encourage or discourage it. She wanted to meet Edward again. She wanted to see if the thoughtless boy had become a different kind of man.

Bella locked up her classroom after one more look around. There was always something so hopeful about the start of a new school year. Possibilities always seemed endless, and the fresh, clean classroom was just an outward manifestation of it all. Of course, come Christmas, she knew she would be tired and harried and ready for a break. But that was okay too, she decided.

Something made her turn left instead of right and she found herself at the back edge of the Cullen property. There was the tree. In her mind, it would always be their tree. It was climbing that tree that she had fallen and broken her arm, and it was on that day that Edward Cullen had become a hero in her eyes. Later, he would tarnish that image, but it still remained.

Under the tree stood a lone figure. She would know him anywhere, no matter how long it had been since she saw him. She almost drove away. Almost. But something about the set of his shoulders, the way the wind blew his hair, that drew her to him. No matter what the future held, after all, they still shared a past. For that alone, she wanted to go to him. She wanted to see if they could take that past and forge it into a better friendship at least.

Silently, she walked to him and she knew he didn't sense her presence. She appreciated the moment to take him in, to center herself before he looked at her – before she looked at him.

"It hurt like hell you know," she said softly. He started and then turned, a welcoming smile on his face. It was the old Edward's smile, quick and unguarded. She liked seeing it on his face. It had been too long.

"What did?" he asked, his lips quirking.

"When I fell and broke my arm," Bella replied with a smile. She brushed back her hair because the wind was blowing it into her face. She noticed that his eyes followed the motion. "You ran and got help," she added. "You saved me."

"Hardly," Edward snorted. "I was scared shitless, if you must know."

"I know," she replied gently. "Even then I knew what made you tick."

They were silent for a moment and it should have been uncomfortable, but it wasn't. The long years of friendship had created bonds that were not easily undone. The threads that intertwined their lives together were as strong and lasting as they were fragile. A dichotomy that was somehow eminently reasonable. It was as if the strands that bound them were somehow trying to mend themselves into something more cohesive.

"I hear you're thinking about relocating closer to home," she said.

"How'd you hear that?" he asked curiously. No one knew that except his family.

"Esme," Bella answered.

"You talk often?" He sounded surprised, but Bella knew that Esme had not revealed how close they had become. His mother had a sly streak that was hidden by her soccer mom façade. That sweet, ladylike smile hid secrets that no one would ever discover.

"Yes," Bella answered. "Quite often." Even when she had been in Japan, she and Esme had exchanged frequent emails. It was Esme who had made those first lonely days in a foreign country bearable. Later there had been friends and even a man. She missed them all.

"So what are you up to now?" Edward asked.

"I'm a teacher, middle school English," she replied. He looked horrified.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry," Edward laughed. "You know they're nothing more than walking hormones at that age, don't you?"

"Yeah, I sort of got that when I started teaching," Bella teased. "But I like it. It's rewarding…and most of they are really great. They just need to figure some things out. That's all."

"Yeah," he said softly. "I know how they feel."

Bella smiled at that and nodded. The thoughtless boy had grown up, but how much? "It takes some longer than others," she observed.

"How was Japan?" he asked, looking decidedly uncomfortable.

"It was an experience I'll never forget," she said. "The people, the culture, the country...everything. It changed me, in a good way." She moved to the tree and traced her fingers over the rough bark. "I'm so glad I went."

"I was surprised to hear about it," Edward admitted. "You never seemed like the type to leave Forks."

"No one else was surprised," she said with a shrug. "But I guess they knew me better than you did."

"Ouch," he said, putting a hand over his heart. Then he nodded. "But point taken and acknowledged."

Her lips pulled up in a crooked smile. "It's good to see you," she said. "Very good."

"It's really good to see you too," he told her and came to a halt right in front of her. She could feel his body heat radiating out to her, warming her.

"I guess we'll be seeing more of each other since you're moving here now," she said and tore her eyes away from him. There were still too many words left unsaid to fall into the old, easy ways again. She had learned a lot in the last few years. She had learned about honesty and communication, and she had loved and been loved. There were different kinds of love, she admitted. Sometimes it was difficult to figure out just what kind of love you shared with someone.

Edward cleared his throat. "I...uh...I was wondering if I could take you out to dinner sometime. When I move back, I mean."

She paused just long enough to make his heart thump unevenly in his chest. Then she nodded. "I suppose so," she said. A frown briefly pulled her eyebrows together, making the line he knew so well. "When you move back, call me. Your mother has my number. It will be nice to have my friend back." She had to make it clear that friendship was all it could be – for now. They had too much left unspoken between them to dive into anything romantic. Besides, that might not be what he wanted, and she wasn't even sure what _she_ wanted yet.

"All right," he said, though there was a note of disappointment that she reluctantly admitted warmed her heart. "I'd like to be your friend again." He smiled and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I think I'll be better at it now."

"Good, and I think I can manage it a little bit better myself," she said. She stood on her toes and pressed a brief, chaste kiss to his cheek. "Welcome home, Edward."

She walked away, her hips gently swaying and he stared after her, his hand touching the place on his flesh where her kiss still tingled.

**~~This Much~~**

Edward was not surprised when his mother was working in the kitchen. "Did you have a nice walk?" she asked, still intent on rolling out the dough for a pie. She insisted on making a key lime pie for him every time he visited. He knew she felt she hadn't made enough of them over the years.

"Yeah...uh yeah..." he muttered. "It was good."

"That's nice," she murmured, obviously distracted.

"I ran into Bella."

Her hands stilled on the dough and there was a pause before she turned around. Casually, she wiped her hands off and studied him. "Really?"

He nodded and put his hands in his pockets. "She looks good," he said.

"She grew up to be a beautiful woman," Esme agreed.

"So yeah..."

Esme smiled and came up and brushed her fingers over his cheek. "Yes," she agreed. Then she turned away and walked back to the counter, where she resumed making her pie crust. When Edward walked out of the kitchen, she was humming a tune under her breath.

**~~This Much~~**

Bella put her keys on the small table in her foyer. She had rented the old house for next to nothing with the understanding that she would repaint the interior to suit her and make some small minor repairs. The owners were elderly and found it difficult to maintain. For major repairs, they sent a handy man. For the minor stuff, Bella had called her father at first. Now, she took care of most of it herself. She enjoyed the manual labor, found it soothing to her sometimes overly active mind. She had learned a lot from the do-it-yourself channels and YouTube videos. They knew her by first name at the hardware store. She could even replace a toilet now, something of which she was very proud.

Turning to her laptop, she fired it up and made her way into the kitchen. The almost autumn air was beautifully crisp in the evenings, not cold enough yet to warrant hot cocoa, but it wouldn't be long. She settled for a vitamin water and then sat down to read her emails.

Some of her friends from Japan had written her. Not only had Bella bonded with her students, she remained in touch with several of the teachers. She quickly typed up a response to everyone, apologizing for the brevity of her reply and explaining that the new school year would start tomorrow for her.

Then she shut off her laptop and poured herself a glass of wine and settled down with a good book. The book was so good that she only looked up a few times, distracted by the thought that Edward was coming home.

Edward was coming home.

Edward was coming _home_...


	15. Chapter 15: Starting Over

I don't own these characters. They are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. I only borrow them. No humans are permanently harmed through my actions, though I do confess to harassing, annoying, torturing, and exasperating them – just because it's fun. I make no money from my little stories, sad day. I only play in the sandbox, I didn't build it.

Chapter 15: Starting Over

_**Two months later...**_

"Hello?" Bella answered when she picked up the phone.

"Bella?" A familiar voice asked. "This is Edward... How are you?" He sounded tentative and unsure.

Bella sank into her favorite chair with a smile. "I'm good, thanks," she replied. "How are you?"

"Good," he answered. "Tired but good." He gave a little laugh and she could picture his expression without difficulty. His brow would be furrowed but his lips would be smiling, and he would have dark circles under his eyes as he always did when he was tired.

"Are you all moved in?" she asked, twirling a strand of hair around her fingers as she spoke to him.

"Yeah, it's temporary, just until I find a house to buy, but luckily my mom knew someone with a house to rent. So I can take my time."

"Your mother's a miracle worker," Bella agreed. "She always _knows_ someone."

"That's the truth," Edward murmured. He sighed. "Listen, I was uh...well, I was wondering if you were still willing to go out to that dinner we talked about a few months ago?"

Once more, he sounded uncertain. She found she rather liked that.

"Sure," she answered. "If you still want to take me out, that is."

A low laugh came from Edward and she could almost see him shaking his head and giving a rueful smile. "Oh Bella, you have no idea how much I want to spend time with you."

She didn't quite know what to say in response, so she remained silent for a moment. "Are you sure?" he finally asked, softly and with a hint of trepidation.

"I'm sure," she told him. "When?"

"Well, I'm free tomorrow night, if you are," he said in a rush. "I mean, I understand if you have plans or something and I wouldn't want to assume that-"

"Edward?" she interrupted quietly.

"Yes?"

"Tomorrow is fine," she assured him.

He blew out a breath. "Wonderful," he said. "Great. Good. I mean, yeah, that'll work."

She laughed. "What time would you like to pick me up?"

"How does seven sound?" he asked.

"Great, seven it is." She paused. "Do you need my address."

His voice was sheepish when he replied. "Uh no...I kind of drove by your house when I got to town."

"You should have stopped in," Bella said quietly.

"Well, I didn't want to drop in and be an inconvenience," he answered.

"You're a lot of things, Edward Cullen, but an inconvenience isn't one of them."

"Have I just been insulted or complimented?" he asked with a laugh.

"Take it as you will," Bella told him enigmatically.

He gave another chuckle. "You're tough, Bella, really tough."

"But I'm worth it," she teased back.

"Yes," he said very quietly. "Yes you are."

She fidgeted then, suddenly uncomfortable and exquisitely aware of all the things left unsaid between them. She sighed. There was time enough to address all of that. Edward was home, where he belonged and maybe – just maybe – they could at least rebuild their friendship.

"Uh yeah..." Edward said, sounding as ill at ease as she felt. "I'll see you tomorrow. At seven."

"Seven then," she answered softly. "Good bye, Edward."

"Bye Bella," he murmured.

**~~This****Much~~**

Edward Cullen could not recall being as nervous as he currently was as he pulled up into Bella's driveway. Her house was older, quaint in its own charming way, but nothing showy or flashy. It looked solid and dependable and as if a family could build a life there. It short, it suited Bella eminently. Bella had always been more grounded than their peers, and when he allowed it, her foundation had held him in place.

It was when he had cut those strings, those bonds that tied him to her, that he had floundered and been cast adrift. But now, he had a chance to set those wrong right. If Bella would let him.

He paused for a moment after he turned off the engine. He looked into his rearview mirror, somewhat surprised that his panic was not clearly visible in his eyes. He tried to tame his hair for a moment and then gave up. It didn't matter. Besides, Bella had always liked the unruliness of his hair. He smiled widely to make sure he didn't have anything stuck in his teeth. Nope. He was good to go.

Now he just had to make himself get out of the car.

Sighing, he grasped the door handle and forced his legs out of the car. Then he compelled those legs to take him to the door and his hand to reach up and knock on it.

She must have been close because a few scant moments later, the door opened and her big, brown eyes were peering at him. "Right on time," she said as she opened the door wider and motioned him inside.

He entered cautiously, feeling as reverent and meditative as if he was entering a church. Edward gazed around, taking in the essence of Bella, picturing her curled up in the comfortable looking chair by the window or perhaps snuggled underneath the afghan his mother had made for her on her 13th birthday. It still held a place of honor on the back of her sofa.

The sight of that simple, homey object warmed him deep inside.

"I'll be just a minute," Bella said apologetically. And with that, she walked quickly toward the back of the house and he heard a door close softly.

He took advantage of the solitude to get a closer look at the living room. He was not surprised to see works of classic literature lining her shelves. Bella had always been a bit of a book worm. He noted that she had developed a taste for some science fiction since he had known her so well. Mysteries featured prominently on her shelves too, and it looked like she owned every novel by Stephen King and Dean Koontz. He approved of the series of Dexter books by Jeff Lindsay. The home improvement and repair volumes impressed him, and drove home the idea that this Bella was far different from the young girl he had once known so well.

Her taste in movies was as varied as that of her reading material. Isabella Swan was obviously a complex and intelligent woman, more than capable of running her own life. That realization was both intimidating and tantalizing.

He moved on to some small framed pictures scattered around the room. Family photos. A few shots of them growing up, which made his chest feel tight with happiness. Bella surrounded by a group of young people who had to be the Japanese students she had taught. Some landscape scenes of Japan, various temples and natural wonders. Sometimes Bella was in the picture and sometimes she wasn't. He wondered idly who had taken the pictures.

Then he came to a picture that did not please him at all. In fact, it drew a scowl from him.

Bella, laughing as she looked up at a man who was in uniform. Air Force from the looks of it, though Edward wasn't quite sure. Not that it mattered. The only thing that mattered was that Bella looked very comfortable in the man's arms. And the man looked very pleased to have her there.

"I'm ready," she called out as she walked back into the room, fastening an earring as she walked.

Edward smiled, pushing down the questions he had about the man. It would only alienate and anger her if he got pushy and territorial – and the sad fact was that he had no right to either of those things.

"You look beautiful," he murmured. She wore a dark red dress that was somehow both modest and yet seductive and alluring. A flash of thigh when she moved, a deep V neck that hinted at cleavage that was bigger than he remembered, but not artificially so. Her hips had filled out some too, in all the right ways. She was a woman now, not a girl, and nothing could have suited her better.

"Shall we go?" she asked with a slight smile.

**~~This****Much~~**

Dinner had been tasty and their conversation had flowed easily, especially since they both kept assiduously to casual topics. Bella shared stories of her time in Japan and of her college days. Edward told her about the fast pace of working in a big city, and how it had both enthralled and exhausted him. Neither of them spoke of lovers.

After dinner, they ordered a dessert that they decided to share. Edward had to laughed when Bella claimed the whipped cream that topped the huge slice of chocolate cake. "Mine," she said triumphantly. "All mine!"

"Greedy," he accused.

"It's my prerogative as a woman," she replied with a shrug.

"Enjoy your ill-gotten gains," he said just before he popped the fork into his mouth.

They finished the dessert and ordered some coffee, though Bella noted that it was rather late for caffeine. Edward shrugged. "I've developed quite a tolerance for it," he observed. "I can have a cup or two and still fall asleep an hour later."

"I'll be up for hours," Bella said with resignation, but she didn't stop drinking the coffee.

At last, she put down her cup with a satisfied sigh. "I'll fall asleep at dawn," she predicted. "But it was totally worth it."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it," he murmured, letting his eyes roam over her face, so changed and yet unchanging.

Bella leaned her cheek against one palm, propping her elbow on the table. "So tell me, Edward, what made you decide to move home?"

He paused, trying to come up with words to express the inexplicable. Even now, he wasn't sure of what had finally prompted his decision. He knew several factors that had contributed to it, but in the end, he had simply gone with his gut. It was the right move at the right time but he had no idea precisely why that was true.

"It was time," he finally answered with a small shrug. "I don't know how else to describe it."

"That's a start," Bella replied with a smile. "So no moment of epiphany?"

"No," he shook his head, and then he stopped abruptly and shrugged once more. "Maybe. I don't know. It's stupid, really."

"Try me," Bella urged, leaning forward, her eyes locked on his face.

"Really, it's stupid," Edward protested. "You'll laugh."

"I think you'll find I'm still a good listener," Bella reminded him quietly. "If it's important to you, I hardly think I'll find it a laughing matter."

Edward hesitated. "Well, one night when I was coming home from work...it was early, which was unusual. I had just finished a big project and I had decided to reward myself with some unhealthy Chinese food and a movie of no socially redeeming value." He gave her a crooked grin. Then the smile faded. "Anyway, when I got to my condo, there was this mother there with her little girl and the kid was looking up at her mom and talking to her. Cute kid, you know? She had chocolate on her face and her hair was all messed up and her mom looked like she was being run ragged, but didn't care because she just really liked being with her kid." He sighed. "Anyway...the kid got quiet for a minute and then she looked up at her mom and got this weird expression on her face and she asked her mom if her dad was going to be home before she had to go to bed that night." Edward ran his fingers through his hair. "Her mom just looked sad for a minute and then shook her head and the kid didn't say anything. But the look on her face..."

"What did it mean to _you_?" Bella asked quietly.

His eyes met hers. "It meant that even if I did manage to find someone in my seventeen minutes of free time, and even if she was willing to have a kid with me, that I'd probably never see my own damned child," Edward finally bit out. "I'd be the dad that dropped in between work projects, came home when the office was quiet two days a year."

"And that wasn't what you wanted?" Bella questioned.

Edward looked down, his hands fidgeting with his coffee mug. "I'm not really sure what I want," he said. But that was a lie. He knew exactly what he wanted. _Who_he wanted. But he would have to wait and see if he could have her. If she would have_him_. His eyes met hers. "But I knew what I didn't want." He hadn't wanted a cold, empty life.

He gazed at Bella. "It wasn't really just that moment, Bella. It was a bunch of moments, a whole series of things. My mentor, Mr. Atwater, was on his fourth wife when I started there. A few months before I left, there was a fifth Mrs. Atwater, and I swear she was a few years younger than me. Since Mr. Atwater had a grandson in high school, you can imagine how old _he_ is." Edward grimaced. "He was a decent guy, he was just never around enough to build a real relationship and everyone knew it. I didn't want there to be a string of Mrs. Cullens in my life."

"You could have picked one and made it work," Bella observed.

He snorted. "I tried, believe me." He told himself that he was imagining the look of pain that flashed over her face. But even that delusion gave him hope. "I found the perfect woman actually. Well, perfect for someone else. Not me. In the end, I couldn't do it. I couldn't make the commitment and she saw right through me. She knew I never would. I couldn't, because...because it wasn't right. With her. I wasn't me. She wasn't..._it_." He rubbed at his jaw. "I didn't want to settle and I knew I would be if I married her."

"What _do_ you want?" Bella pressed.

"A home, a place that feels like me," Edward said. "I want to mow a lawn and bitch about it while I do it. I want to burn meat on a grill and pretend like I know what I'm doing. I want..." He briefly closed his eyes. "I want a _real_ life, Bella. I want something that doesn't feel like I'm faking it all the time."

"Is that really what you want?" Bella asked. "Or are you just tired of the rat race for a bit? What if you're just playing at suburbia for kicks and giggles? What about the people you'll leave behind who were counting on you? Are you here to recharge your batteries before you venture into the big city again or are you here to make a real life, the real life you say you want?"

"I want reality, Bella," Edward replied quietly. "I want..." He shook his head. "I want a lot of things that I know I don't deserve yet, but I'm willing to work hard to deserve them." His eyes met hers again, willing her to see his sincerity, his love.

"Sometimes you only get so many chances and then it's too late," Bella whispered. "There are no guarantees."

He nodded. "I know." Reaching over, her put his hands on hers. "But I also know that if I never tried, I'd never forgive myself wondering what might have been."

Her chin rose and she studied him. "Okay then," she finally said. "Maybe next weekend we can catch a movie or something?"

"I'd like that," he told her. "I'd like that very much."


	16. Chapter 16: Reacquainted

I don't own these characters. They are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. I only borrow them. No humans are permanently harmed through my actions, though I do confess to harassing, annoying, torturing, and exasperating them – just because it's fun. I make no money from my little stories, sad day. I only play in the sandbox, I didn't build it.

**Chapter 16: Reacquainted**

Over the next few months, Edward and Bella fell into a routine of spending their weekends together. Bella demonstrated to Edward how to prepare a room to paint it, and they spent an enjoyable weekend bringing some color to his rather monochromatic home. Bella had even gone with him to choose the colors, greens and blues for the bedrooms, warm earth tones for the general living areas, and a bright cheerful yellow for his kitchen. She showed him how to fix a leaky faucet. He took her bowling and thoroughly defeated her, but later that evening she schooled him in a new video game. Later, she confessed that she had heard some of her students discussing some cheats. He promptly declared her victory void, though Bella never gave in on the point. He took her to the batting cages and instructed her on the fine points of hitting a softball. Then he almost got brained with the bat while Bella babbled an apology.

They watched movies and grilled hamburgers and got to know each other again. He discovered that she liked cheese on her hamburgers now, and she found out that he'd been known to enjoy sushi on more than one occasion. They both still loved chocolate shakes.

Their parents watched the whole process with cautious optimism, though neither of them spoke of what they might be feeling for the other. Edward wanted desperately to kiss her, but Bella seemed just remote enough that he dared not try. Still, he watched her mouth move when she spoke and imagined planting his lips against hers. He had fantasized about it countless times. He could imagine how soft and warm her lips would be. But he didn't make the move because he had promised himself that this time he would do things the right way.

A few weeks after their first evening out, he had finally worked up the courage to ask her about the man in the picture. Bella had lowered her lashes for a moment and then she met his gaze squarely. "His name is Drew and he's...he'll always be special to me," she admitted.

Edward felt as if his whole body clenched down at that news. "So...are you two still...?" He let the words trail off, not even sure exactly what he wanted to ask her. Or knowing, and not having the courage, which was essentially the same thing he thought.

"If I was still dating Drew, do you honestly think I would be hanging out with you without letting you know I was attached?" There was that line between her brows that indicated she was angry.

His mouth opened for his reply, but then he realized that she was right. Bella didn't play coy. "You're right," he said. "I was just curious."

"So, your curiosity is now satisfied?" Bella asked.

"Yeah, I mean...I guess so," Edward mumbled.

"I had a life before you moved back to Forks, you know," Bella reminded him gently.

"Yeah, I know, I..." He shook his head. "Forget it, I'm stupid."

"Well, not stupid exactly," Bella teased. "Just...let's say a bit self-centered?"

"You don't mince words, do you?" Edward said with a grimace.

Bella shrugged. "I've learned that people only end up getting hurt when you skirt around the truth." Their eyes met and he felt like they were having a dozen conversations in that one look, saying a thousand words that they were both too afraid to say.

He waited for her to speak, to say something more. Instead, she tore her eyes away from his and shook her head. It was not yet time, he knew. He had hurt her too much and there was still too much left unsaid between them. The words and the time would come – he just had to be patient.

**~~THIS MUCH~~**

Three months after he moved back home, they were watching a movie that neither one of them would recall later. It had been during a slow part and he had allowed his eyes to flicker toward her. To his surprise, her gaze was settled upon him, her dark eyes curious and frankly assessing.

"What?" he asked, feeling self-conscious.

"Nothing," she answered with a small shake of her head. "I just...it's nothing..." she repeated.

"What? Do I have popcorn between my teeth?" he asked, grinning widely to give her a good view.

Bella smiled and shook her head. "No, nothing like that."

"Then what?" he pressed. He scooted closer and angled his nose in so that his was almost touching hers. Bella did not back away and he felt something surge within him. It might have lust, or perhaps it was merely relief. In any case, he decided to savor it.

"I..." Her eyes darted away from his and she licked her lips. He wanted to offer to do that for her. Then her eyes met his once more. "I was just thinking it was nice...having you here."

He hadn't expected that, but it was nice to hear. "I think it's nice too," he confessed and reached out to caress a lock of hair that had fallen out of her messy ponytail. "I've missed you."

"So that's why you kept calling me all these years," she mocked. There was a hint of how much he'd hurt her in her voice.

Edward grimaced and turned off the movie. There was no use pretending that they were watching it anymore. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and lowered his head, grabbing at the back of his neck in frustration. "I fucked up," he said simply and then turned to look at her. "You have no idea how much I know I fucked up."

Bella studied him for a moment and then slowly nodded. "Okay, so you fucked up." She shrugged. "And we survived, so..."

They were silent for a moment and then he felt her warm hand brushing over his back in soothing circles. He turned quickly and caught her hand in his. She didn't try to pull it away. "I've missed you," he said quietly. "So much."

"I missed you too," she admitted softly. "So much." His smile echoed hers.

He traced the line of her lips with his fingertips. "You know the day we graduated?" She nodded. "I wanted to kiss you then, but..."

"But Sarah wanted to fuck your brains out," Bella said bluntly.

"_Anyway_," he said pointedly. "I really wanted to kiss you that day."

"Well you missed your opportunity," Bella observed.

He ducked his head in acknowledgement. "I did," he admitted. "But I was sort of hoping that..."

"That?"

"That you'd give me another chance, to make things right in the kissing department," Edward said. There. He'd said it.

She thought about it for a moment. "What if you kiss me and there's nothing there?" she finally asked, her voice solemn.

"Nothing there?" he was confused.

Bella took a deep breath. "What if...what if all these years we've had this image of what it would be like and what if...what if there's just nothing there, no chemistry, no...wow factor?" Her hands were clenching in the afghan his mother had made her so long ago. "What if we kiss and it's like kissing a sibling?" He watched her throat work as she swallowed audibly.

Edward chuckled and moved closer, so close that he could smell the popcorn on her breath and see where her mascara had smudged a little bit beneath her left eye. "Then we'll just have to be friends," he said. His mouth moved even closer to hers. "Think you can handle that?"

"Being friends?" Bella whispered. He nodded. "Yeah, I could handle that."

"Or..." he said.

"Or?"

He grinned at her, his hand cradling her jaw as he tilted his head. "Or we could just keep practicing and see if we work up to chemistry," he suggested.

She shook her head and they were so close that he could smell her coconut shampoo with the movement. "No," Bella said. "Chemistry's either there or it isn't."

"Then I guess we'll just have to chance it," he murmured as he lowered his head. The next moment their lips touched and the moment was so perfect that he was content simply to press their flesh together. Then she sighed and shuddered and her mouth opened to him. His tongue slid into her mouth, easy and unassuming. Her response was immediate and had him trembling.

Their tongues stroked and caressed even as their bodies shifted position without their knowledge. She moved under him at the same time he tucked her beneath him. Her legs fell open to cradle him against her while their mouths got acquainted. Finally, he had to pull away to take a breath.

They were both panting and Edward suspected that the dazed expression on her face was mirrored on his. He looked at her and grinned drunkenly. "I think it's safe to say there's chemistry."

"Shut up and kiss me," Bella ordered.


	17. Chapter 17: Together

I don't own these characters. They are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. I only borrow them. No humans are permanently harmed through my actions, though I do confess to harassing, annoying, torturing, and exasperating them – just because it's fun. I make no money from my little stories, sad day. I only play in the sandbox, I didn't build it.

Author's Note: Almost done! :D

**Chapter 17: Together**

It was Edward who finally pulled away. He was struggling to breathe and Bella might have made fun of him, if she hadn't been having the same problem. "So...," he finally panted.

"Wow," Bella added eloquently.

They grinned at each other. "If you'd have kissed me like that at graduation, we'd have had three kids by now," Edward teased.

"Would we now?" Bella asked, quirking one brow.

His grin grew wider and he leaned in to chastely press his lips to hers once more. "It's a guarantee, Miss Swan."

"Good thing I didn't kiss you then," Bella replied.

"I don't know," he said wistfully. "We would have had ten years behind us by now, and I can't think of that as a bad thing."

"But would we have appreciated them?" Bella queried and then shook her head. "You could kiss me again, you know," she suggested slyly.

"I just did," he told her, his lips tugging up at the corners.

"I'm still trying to make sure on the whole chemistry thing," she informed him casually.

"Oh really?"

She nodded and answered solemnly, "Yes, really. So I suggest further investigation."

"Well, you know it's not just kissing," Edward said. "There's a lot more to the whole chemistry thing."

"Like what?"

His hand slid up from her hip to hover just below her breast. "There's touching," he whispered.

Arching into his hand, Bella gave a little moan that had him aching. "Show me," she begged.

His big hand cupped her breast and he allowed his thumb to gently play over the hard nipple which pressed through the thin lace of her bra. Edward's lips moved from her collarbone to her ear and back again, gliding slowly across her flesh.

"What else?" she mumbled into his neck after she had nipped at his pulse.

"More touching," he told her. His hand reached down and cupped her ass, tilting her into his erection, which he pressed against her in a rocking motion. "Lots of touching," he added.

"More," she instructed and he laughed roughly.

"Bossy bit of goods, aren't you?" he teased.

"You'd better get used to it," she warned as she tugged his head up a bit so that his lips were just millimeters away from her breast.

Not so gently, he tugged her tee-shirt up so that he could gaze at the pale skin of her breasts, which heaved with her breaths. He cupped them both, his hands big and warm through the lace. "White lace," he muttered just before his lips closed over one peak, sucking her through the fabric. "I like it," he added quietly and then moved his attention to her other breast. She shifted restlessly beneath him and he undid the front clasp of the bra and let the cups fall to her sides. "I like these more," he told her in a husky voice. His teeth and lips went to work on one nipple as his fingers tugged and teased at the other.

"Fuck!"

"Soon," he promised.

She laughed then and gave his hair a little tug. "Conceited pig," Bella accused with a snort.

"Bossy cock tease," he retorted.

"Guilty as charged," she agreed and then hissed when he pinched at one nipple hard enough to get her attention. While one hand teased her breast, the other snaked down to the button of her jeans.

"Bella?" he asked as he began to tug at it. The walls between them had fallen down with a vengeance, as if the force of the years they'd shared had finally roared to life with the power of a tsunami.

"Just hurry," was all she said.

He groaned and his mouth found hers again while their hands got in each other's way in their hurry to divest each other of their clothing. A few scant moments later, two shirts and two pairs of jeans were tossed onto the floor. Edward had knelt on the couch after removing his jeans and Bella sat up to stare at him.

Clad only in boxer-briefs, Edward's body was open to her. She took in the breadth of his shoulders, the muscles of his chest and abdomen, the way his waist narrowed and flowed into slim hips. The muscles of his thighs were powerful, more so than one would have expected in a man as leanly muscled as Edward. But it was beneath the thin layer of black cotton that the sight of his body made something deep within hers clench.

His cock strained against the fabric, a small damp spot by the tip letting her know just how much he wanted her. She licked her lips unknowingly and he groaned, his hand falling to cup his erection. "Let me," she said and scooted forward.

Her hands slipped beneath his, delved under the waistband and shoved his underwear down. His cock seemed to jump toward her and she laughed a little as he instinctively thrust his hips into her touch. "Bella," he said warningly as she cupped his balls gently, giving them a slight squeeze.

"Edward," she said in the same tone and then Bella laughed. Again, she licked her lips.

"I'm too close," he said with a groan. "God, you've got me ready to pop off like a fucking teenager."

"I have to taste," Bella said and leaned forward and licked slowly over the head of his cock.

Edward's hands slipped into her hair as he held her loosely in place and thrust forward. "Just a taste," he agreed breathlessly. As if a man could argue with a woman that wanted to put her mouth on him, he thought wildly.

She laughed as she took him into her mouth and the vibration of her laughter had the sweat running down his face. He wanted to grab her and thrust into her sweet mouth until he poured down her throat.

But not yet. Not this time.

This time would be the first of many and he wanted it to be something they could both remember with satisfaction. With a growl of reluctance, he ripped his cock from her lips and gave her a gentle shove onto the couch. His hands were clumsy as he tugged and pulled at her underwear and he heard the rip of silky fabric as she wiggled them off her legs.

"I'll buy you more," he promised but she only grabbed him and squeezed his cock while he let his hands touch her silky, wet folds for the first time. "God, you're so fucking wet for me, baby." He groaned at the discovery, shocked at how much it turned him on to know she wanted him.

"Do you have a condom?" she asked breathlessly. He grew still and then muttered a curse.

"Hold on," he begged as he searched frantically through his wallet. When he found one tucked behind his emergency cash, he gave a crow of triumph. He had been so busy not wanting to take anything for granted that he'd almost blown it by not having a condom.

Bella took it and gazed it for a long moment. "Are you clean?" she finally asked.

He nodded, his cock twitching and jumping, ready to get to the main event. Edward gave it a squeeze to hold off his impatience. "Me too," Bella said softly. "And I'm on the pill."

"It's been...a long time," Edward said, lacing his fingers through hers, the condom packet pressed between their palms.

"For me too," Bella admitted. Then she moved up to kiss him. "I want you. Inside me. Nothing between us," she said as she looked up at him from beneath her lashes. He knew she meant more than a layer of latex.

Edward gave a loud groan as she tossed the condom aside and pressed her into the couch. "Bed?" he asked.

"Can't wait," Bella insisted. "Here. Now. Please..."

Rubbing the head of his cock against her clit, he had to close his eyes against the rush of pleasure as she arched against him. "Now?" he asked.

"God yes, now," Bella whimpered.

He had had every intention of pressing into her slowly, gently, taking his time. Instead, at the first touch of her heat surrounding him, he found himself thrusting deep and quick until he could go no further. But Bella didn't seem to mind if the way her body clutched at him was any indication. A few awkward thrusts to gain their rhythm and he was powering into her with abandon.

Slipping his hand between them, he circled her clit. "I need you to come, baby," he said into her mouth. "Please. Here. Now." His words echoed her plea just minutes before.

She didn't answer, but her body said yes. Her body clamped down on him, dragging his own orgasm from him with inexorable demand. He shuddered and trembled as he poured into her, her slick internal muscles taking everything he had to offer and asking for more.

When the wild shaking finally slowed, he opened his eyes and stared at her. "I love you," he said at last. "I always have; I just didn't know it for a while. I always will." He shook his head. "I can't help myself and I don't want to."

"I love you too, Edward," she admitted, brushing back his damp hair from his sweaty forehead. "I always have and I always will." They shared a smile.

He moved onto his side and pulled her into arms, savoring the warm feeling of finally having Bella Swan in his embrace, knowing she had a part of him inside of her. The caveman he had always known was alive and kicking inside of him felt pleased at having come inside the woman he loved. He smiled at his own idiocy, even as he acknowledged that the feeling was real. Stupid, immature and primitive, but very real.

They were silent for a long moment. Then she turned slightly and gazed up at him, her dark eyes full of emotion. "Where do we go from here?"

Edward tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and smiled. "The place we've always been meant to be," he replied. "Together."

"Together," she agreed.

His grin grew wicked. "Besides, we've got three kids to get started on," he reminded her as he rolled and pinned her beneath him.


End file.
